Ginga Virus - Goes Global
The Ginga Virus (Viraerusticus) which causes hair to turn red is rampant. The normal 4.765% proportion of the population who are redheaded has spiralled to a known 70% plus. Exact figures could be higher as many do not admit to using hair dye. A...
Read full storyChelsea: Poor Home Form Continues
Chelsea, the team who, until recently, went 86 games unbeaten at their Stamford Bridge fortress, now can't seem to win there, and lost there again today, 2-1 to north London rivals Arsenal. The Blues suffered a 1-0 defeat to Liverpool on October 2...
Read full storyLeeds Pi$$ed on by Histon
In a predictably one-sided game today, underdogs Leeds United were beaten by the once great Histon. Histon's win was put down to the state of the pitch (wet) and the appalling weather which the Leeds players had never experienced in the balmier cl...
Read full storyPlaxico Burress Loses Endorsement Deal
New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress lost out on a lucrative endorsement deal as a result of his recent troubles. The shooting in a New York City bar caused toothbrush maker Aural-C to exercise an out in the contract. Company spokesman Do...
Read full storyPaducah Woman Believes Sixth Marriage Will Work Out
Paducah, Kentucky resident Debbie Arlene Bluharty, 48, affirmed her faith Thursday in both her sixth marriage, to local band drummer, Bobby Jim Casey, 54, and the existence and compassion of unicorns. "I feel my own guardian unicorn watching near...
Read full storyFrench Claim their Frites are an Inch Longer than American Fries
Mont Penis Blanc, France - A recent survey of tubers worldwide has concluded there are considerable regional differences in the length of spuds. The study was conducted by the German Institute of Stem Research. Dr Willie Limp, chief investigator e...
Read full storyLeeds United Almost Beat Histon Of The Blue Square Premier League
Leeds United, the once-great all-conquering heroes of European football, continued their long tradition of becoming giant-killing victims today, when, in the 2nd round, they travelled to Histon FC of the Blue Square Premier League, and so very nearly...
Read full storyGerard McGarry fails to WOW the foolish crowds in Glory Hole stunt!
Dr Gerard McGarry the holder of the world's smallest balls, has failed to 'WOW', the crowds in a Jerry Springer, 'Micro Glory-Hole' stunt. Dr Gerry (P.H.D) was employed by the loud-mouth, former mayor Jerry 'I incite a riot' Springer. The plan...
Read full storyChristmas Gift From The Chancellor
In a surprise turnaround, the Chancellor has today announced he will not be bailing out the struggling Banks. In an interview with a major news channel he said "I have decided the only way out of this mess is to give the money to the public. I'm...
Read full storyDamian 'The Omen' Green: Tory internal backstabbing for Deripaska fiasco?
London - (Seedy Ass Mess): Tory shadow immigration minister Damian 'The Omen' Green is currently holed up in a Special Branch 'safe house' (sic) after Anti-terror cops found a link to backstabbing frontbench colleagues still smarting from the Oleg...
Read full storyOld Turkey Head
Police in North Carolina say a shopper stopped a carjacking by attacking the alleged suspect with a frozen turkey as he tried to steal a woman's car in a grocery store parking lot. Authorities say the man stole money from a gas station before hea...
Read full storyRare Species of Pygmy Shrew found living in Robin Williams' hairy back
A rare species of pygmy shrew once thought extinct has been discovered thriving in the warmth and safety of comedy actor Robin Williams' hair. The Mork and Mindy actor came to the attention of the scientific community when a topless beach photo of...
Read full storyScience Admits Evolution Theory Wrong
Scientists at the WIATOSLTA convention in Denver, Colorado, U.S. of A., today agreed that the theory of evolution has been debunked (that doesn't mean kicked out of bed,.... although?). Delegates to the WIATOSLTA (What Is All This Other Stuff Lead...
Read full storyAll Bolton Bingers Really Want is to Do Some Blowing
The random acts of violence committed by British binge drinkers has been responded to by rehab, medication and rough treatment by bobbies who can't wait to get off duty anf tie one on. In the municipality of Bolton by Dreamstream there's a new sherif...
Read full storyShocking Study Reveals that UK Wives Want to Murder their Mothers in Law
A Cambridge University study sent a chill down the spine of British Mums in law across the UK. The research revels in the fact that 60% of England's daughters in law want to arrange a hit on their husband's dear old mummy. One woman we will ca...
Read full storyParents Test Kids' Genes for Hidden Talents
Parents eager and desperate to be proud of something about themselves are searching their kiddies' chromosomes to find some discrete segment that will say their child will be extraordinary. Single mom, Anastasia Remonstratid paid $200 to have...
Read full storyTina Fey to Play Barack Obama on SNL
Tina Fey will take over the role of Barack Obama on Saturday Night Live. Fred Armisen has been playing Obama on the show, but he's never clicked with audiences. The show was looking for a way to work her back in since Sarah Palin is now dropping o...
Read full storyPalin Porn Series Tops Requests on Santa's Lists
Porn distributors are struggling to fill all of the holiday orders for their new skinflicks starring someone who looks an awful like the politician Sarah Palin and, ironically, has the same name. The first big tit hit in the series is called Naili...
Read full storyThe Walmart Running of the Jackasses: The New Pamploma
Cities long to be known worldwide and to attract tourists from around the world to view or even participate in their often bizarre and violent rituals. Pamploma in Spain for example was made famous in the writings of Ernest Hemingway for its running...
Read full storyPedalophile Ring Smashed
Interpol has announced that following "unprecedented" international co-operation, a "particularly slimey" pedalophile ring has been broken up. "We have been closely in the wake of these despicable pedo's" said a buoyant Capt Pugwash of D.R.I.B.B.L...
Read full storyDeccan Mujahadeen Solve Mumbai Traffic Problems
The terrorist atrocities perpetrated by the Islamic Fundamentalist group, Deccan Mujahadeen, in Mumbai this week were the worst India has seen in recent times, but the authorities say that, the city's traffic problems have been miraculously solved.
Read full story