McCain To Stop Making Chips
There was dramatic news for chip-lovers this afternoon, when John McCain revealed that from September, his convenience food company will cease to produce the tasty, fast food potato treats.
Read full storyNuno Betancourt rescued in Colombia
Nuno Betancourt the former Extreme guitarist has been released by Colombian Fark rebels. He is expected to begin working on a new album of insipid ballads in the next week.
Read full storyAndy Murray Crowd Loses In Straight Sets
There was disappointment on Centre Court tonight, as the Andy Murray Crowd failed to live up to its previous high standards, underperforming to such an extent, that Murray was buried by number 2 seed Rafael Nadal.
Read full storySome Whore's Fire Problems
Dirty Central, Alabama - The Deputy Sheriff, Sergeant Piggers, has said a giant fire has amassed near a slew of mobile home trailers at 8pm, endangering every concerned property owner in the area.
Read full storyDawkins admits inventing Creationism
Richard Dawkins the British Atheist and free thinker has revealed that he was behind the global creationist movement, shocking supporters and right wing rednecks alike.
Read full storyPrince William Arrested for Smuggling £40million worth of Cocaine
Able Seaman Prince William the second-in-line to the Throne has been banged up in Kingston Jail, Barbados after being caught by the Barbarian Navy of smuggling £40million worth of Cocaine.
Read full storyStarbucks to close 600 stores to leave space for milk
Starbucks, the Seattle based coffee house chain has announced it will close 600 stores and axe 12,000 staff in an effort to leave more room for milk.
Read full storyBush Unveils Plan to Combat Global Warming
Washington, D.C.- At the White Press Conference this afternoon, President George Bush announced his plan to combat global warming. The plan, entitled "Fuck Al Gore," calls for the designing of 2 large-scale air conditioning units, one plac...
Read full storyRoman ships could not sail against the tide, American historians claim
New research from American scientists has suggested that Romans could not sail against the tide in their ships, and that the dates attributed to their 55 BC landings in southern England are wrong.
Read full storyDon Imus Professes Dislike of African American Based Peanut Butter
Radio personality Don Imus shocked listeners recently when he said he didn't like peanut butter, or as he put it, "that sticky oily stuff" that he claimed adheres to the roof of his mouth.
Read full storyMadonna 'will wed adopted Malawi son's father'
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Relentless self-publicising entertainer Madonna is set to dump her gormless husband Guy Twitchy and get hitched to Yohane Banda, father of her adopted son David.
Read full storyPrince Philip to run for President of the USA
In a surprise move, the Queen's husband Prince Philip entered the US Presidential election today, as an independent candidate. When asked why was doing such a thing, he said 'Well, the fools can only spell X, so they may as well spell it for me, t...
Read full storyWills' ship huge coke haul
Caribbean - (Huge Ass Mess): A right royal storm has broken out after an unnamed sailor on HMS Iron Puke was found to be carrying 'up to five kilos of high grade cocaine' up his arsehole today.
Read full storyJoey Barton Swaps Football For Boxing
Joey Barton, the Newcastle United player who was found guilty on Monday of assaulting one of his ex-teammates whilst he was at Manchester City, has decided to give up playing football, and to turn, instead, to boxing. Barton assaulted a player who...
Read full storyMugabe clamps down on International opposition
SHARM EL-SHEIK, Egypt. News leaked to a reporter covering the African Union summit has implicated foul play in the mystery illness of Zambian President Levy Mwanawasa. He was rushed to hospital on Sunday and the head of the Egyptian hospital where he...
Read full storyDemocratic party unity
Many Hillary Clinton supporters still have a problem supporting Barrack Obama.
Read full storyRapid Transit Line Completed
Cheyenne WY, July 1, 2050: Today the Governor of Wyoming officially opened the last remaining section of the Wyoming Area Intrastate Public Transit Initiative (WAPITI) subway system.
Read full storyCondoleeza Rice Gives Update On Pending 08/08/08 Calamity
Philadelphia PA -- Condoleeza Rice abruptly left a security conference here today drenched in tears. The conference was between the NSA, FBI, DHS and other agencies about the catastrophic space alien invasion expected 08/08/08 at precisely 08:08:08 G...
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