NSA: EVERYONE has been Poisoned by the KGB
Following today's revelation that former Soviet contact Dmitry Kovtun fell into a coma after testing positive for polonium-210 poisoning the National Security Agency reluctantly told Americans "the bad news first". During a 12 minute r...
Read full storyGeorge Bush eBay Fanatic
(Weed--CA) "I couldn't believe it. The President of the United States bought my humidifier!" That was Janis Malverne's reaction when she received an e-mail from G.Bush@WhiteHouse.org. Ms. Malverne explained in a phone interview fro...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Cast In Jessica Simpson Role As Britney Spears
(Bentonville--AR) Monday, in front of Wal-Mart headquarters, Lindsay Lohan signed a deal with VH-1 to play the role of Jessica Simpson playing Britney Spears in a movie of the soon to be Pop Mom's life titled "Do You Like My Song or Just My...
Read full storyPrescott to star in BBC's remake of "The Flumps"
A BBC spokesman, today revealed that John Prescott, the soon to be ex Deputy Prime Minister, is to head up the cast in a remake of the popular 70's children's program "The Flumps"...
Read full storyBBC Stalwarts Set To Be Named And Shamed In Explosive Book
There's trouble on the horizon for many stars of yesteryear as they're about to be mentioned in a new 'kiss and tell, warts and all, cheese 'n onion explosive exposé on the goings on in BBC in the seventies and eighties.
Read full storyMemorial Service for Space Shuttle Discovery Crew Already Planned
NASA, hours before launch has, according to inside sources already planned for the recovery, investigation and memorial service for all 7 members of the shuttle crew. "We believe that Discovery's going to blow, we just don't know how&quo...
Read full storyMySpays to erect humunguous cyber-tool
New York, NY - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Internet pet-neutering service MySpays.com has vowed to launch a potent new cyber tool for detecting fetishistic sex offenders who regularly cruise its pages to download footage of pussy-spaying operations.
Read full storyBeyonce Knowles Named Fellow of All Souls College, Oxford
OXFORD - Singer Beyonce Knowles will become a Fellow of All Souls College, Oxford beginning in Michaelmas term, 2007, the college announced today.
Read full storyWind Of Change Blows Through Buckingham Palace
It was red faces all round today at Buckingham Palace and the search was on to find the culprit who 'dropped one' in front of Her Majesty.
Read full storyBangkok hooker demonstrates new technique at world ping pong championships
There were chaotic scenes at the world Table Tennis Championships in Bejing yesterday, when Bangkok hooker, Ying Tong Tidillifoo, beat China's no 1 seed in a highly charged match.
Read full storyBotham Slams Botham In Savage Attack
Ian 'Beefy' Botham has today launched a devastating attack on himself in a move that's got the sports world reeling.
Read full storyFast food chain under fire over McPanda burger
Animal rights activists were furious yesterday over the decision by an American fast food chain to introduce a range of 'endangered species burgers' including the McPanda, the McTiger and McRhino.
Read full storyProctologist to the stars struck off. Says he faces a 'gaping hole' in life.
Proctologist to the stars, Harvey Whiffstein says he faces a 'gaping hole' in his life after being struck off by the British Medical Council.
Read full storyFriends of the Earth want Mars hose pipe ban
London - (Ass Mess): Thames Water has applied for an immediate hose pipe ban following reports that water may have flowed on Mars as recently as ten years ago.
Read full storyBush and Blair test positive with Polonium 210
In the ongoing radiation poisoning saga, the toxic Polonium 210 has infected two more victims. President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair have both tested positive with Polonium 210 poisoning. The highly radioactive material is deadly, bu...
Read full storyBig Two Line Up In Chat wars
In a sensational showbiz stand-off today it looks as if two of the top chat show hosts in the country could be coming to blows.
Read full storyDream Team Set For Xmas No. 1 Spot
Forget the X-Factor or Take That as the possible Christmas number one this year as nasty bit of work, Simon Cowell, has hatched a plot to bag the coveted slot for his new signing.
Read full storyRich & Greedy Musos Unhappy About Decision
Peter Pan of pop, Sir Cliff Richard, is said to be totally 'hacked off' at losing his battle against the courts that will see him lose a few bob on royalties.
Read full storyIs Top Tabloid Really Having a Change of Heart?
In what's believed to be a first, reports are reaching us that The Daily Mail has made the unprecedented step of reporting a story about an unmarried lesbian woman in an even-handed way.
Read full storyParis Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson Wed Christ After He KOs Boxing Champ
RENO, NV, Dec. 25 - Jesus "Sonny" Christ capped his comeback drive in Reno yesterday with a ninth round knockout that sent reigning champ Stephen Hawking into a deep, possibly fatal coma.
Read full storyBritney Spears' Girl-Next-Door Image Is Working--Harley Davidson Offers Contract
Sources say that the Britney Spears incident caught on camera several weeks ago is part of a larger plan to change the superstar's image. Spears admitted today that she was tired of being idolized by millions of teenagers and just wanted to be se...
Read full storyGreen Onions Cause Taco Bell E-Coli Outbreak
The cause of the Taco Bell E-Coli outbreak has been traced to green onions possibly imported from Mexico. In response, the fast food chain has pulled all onions from all of its United States locations. Chemical analysis of the product shows traces...
Read full storyLesbian Daughter of V.P. Dick Cheney Pregnant
The openly gay daughter of United States Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that she is expecting a baby. News of the announcement brought concern, curiosity, and speculation as to the identity of the father from Washington insiders, other fam...
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