Written by Ed E. Druckman

Thursday, 7 December 2006

image for George Bush eBay Fanatic

(Weed--CA) "I couldn't believe it. The President of the United States bought my humidifier!" That was Janis Malverne's reaction when she received an e-mail from G.Bush@WhiteHouse.org. Ms. Malverne explained in a phone interview from her recently expanded mobile home. "Listen to this. 'My fellow eBayer and American, I was just scanning my profile, and I noticed that you hadn't yet recorded any feedback on our last exchange. Was my PayPal finger too slow? If so...sorry. I was at the G-8 for a while.' And it was signed 'George W. Bush--President.'"

Malverne then immediately called the White House because she "thought it was some Muslim kook." To her surprise, the White House switchboard connected her directly to the Oval Office. The next voice she heard was the President's. "He said: 'MobileMalv' (that's my eBay handle), that humidifier's got my nose slicker than a Florida Secretary of State at recount time. You think I can get that positive feedback now?'" Malverne thanked Bush for his compliment and asked why he was so concerned about feedback. His response: "I could say it's a matter of national security, but I want that turquoise star." Bush was referring to the eBay star rating system. A turquoise star represents a feedback of 100 or more.

Understanding the situation and not wanting to have her library account reviewed under the Patriot Act, Malverne promptly registered the feedback. "I gave him an 'A+++, great eBayer, good communicator, all true."

A call to White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow, confirmed Malverne's story. "What can I add," said Snow. "The President is a great eBayer, and he's got the feedback rating to prove it." He further went on to say that "the White House has nothing to hide. The records are all there. Just go to eBay and do a search for IMDPrezident." However, Snow was quick to add that "like any member of the eBay community, certain bad feedback needs to be put in context. I would ask you to consider that when reviewing the negative feedback left by Shussein@aol.com, 'No communication. No holding to terms. A real DUD.' Please note this individual is no longer a registered user."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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