Michael Jackson Opens Neverland Ranch to Child Victims of Katrina
This past week, singer Michael Jackson, who earlier penned a song dedicated to the victims of hurricane Katrina, offered to open the doors of his Neverland Ranch to child victims of the disaster. Jackson's plans for the chldren include "pro...
Read full storyNew Orleans Goes To The Dogs
In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, government officials were shocked to see the balance of power shifting from human to canine domination throughout the city of New Orleans. "This town has gone to the dogs," said President Bush on Thursday, foll...
Read full storyThe Madonna Miffed With Popeparazzi
"What am I, a saint?" moans Mary, mother of Jesus of Nazareth. "Why do these sketch artists and sculptors keep stalking me, trying to reproduce my image on canvas and stone? Their flashing torches are half-blinding me!"...
Read full storyBush hints at pre-emptive strike against the Moon.
Washington - President George Bush startled journalists at a press conference today when he revealed plans to launch a pre-emptive strike against a new and unexpected threat; the Moon. Under intense questioning regarding the lack of military resourc...
Read full storyDateline 2105: Jerry Rice Announces Retirement From NFL
Dateline: 2105 Wide Receiver Jerry Rice announced his retirement today after playing for 120 years in the NFL for all 84 teams.
Read full storyMinorities Upset About New Cable TV Network: White Entertainment Television (WET)
(AP) Minority groups across the United States were visually upset and preparing to march against their local cable companies at the announcement of a new television station. White Entertainment Television (WET) will make its debut in November on ove...
Read full storyBowing To FCC Pressure, Howard Stern Switches To "Foreign Affairs" Format
(New York, New York) Following years of legal wrangling with the FCC, legendary New York radio personality Howard Stern has now "thrown in the towel" and converted his morning show into a "forum for discussion of pressing world iss...
Read full storyStudy: 4% Of Cell Phone Users Actually Speaking To Someone At Other End
(New York) Results of a long-awaited study on cellular phone usage have just been released, showing that as many as four percent of people who speak on cell phones in public may actually be engaged in genuine conversations with other human beings.
Read full storyAmerican Ignorance About Australia Not As Appalling As Once Thought
(Canberra, Australia) The Australian government has just released a three-year study of American attitudes toward the Island Continent which demonstrates definitively that Americans actually know much more about Dorothea McKellar's "sunbur...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Gets 100 on an ADD Test
LaLa Land - Today, president George W. Bush was given psychiatric evaluation after millions of people requested that he is admitted to a mental institution. Many of the requests were imported from overseas.
Read full storyNew Cure discovered for Headaches!
Don't you just hate having to go to the store just to buy overpriced placebos in an effort to cure thet annoying headache? WELL NOW THERE IS A NEW AND ENTIRELY EFFECTIVE WAY OF COMBATING HEADACHES!...
Read full storyCruz: The Tabloid Favourite
The King and Queen of kitsch, David and Victoria Beckham, have been further rocked by allegations intimating their new baby in another shocking scandal.
Read full storyGay Marriage - The Trail of Devastation
States all throughout the Mid-Western heartland and Southern American are unified by one issue - gay marriage.
Read full storyHeterosexual Cherubs
Tony Blair has gone some way into explaining just what it is that makes the "special Bond" between himself & King of America George W. Bush just so special.
Read full storyTobacco Industry Given Government Approval
Asphyxiated Press Release == An appeals court Friday dealt a major blow to the government's attempt to hold the tobacco industry accountable for decades of alleged deceit about the dangers of smoking, ruling the Justice Department can't seek...
Read full storyIt's Good to Spin Wood on a String
Australian mobile phone operator, 3G, have today unveiled plans to bring mobile communications services to the aboriginal peoples of South Australia.
Read full storyCuban Death Ray Threat
Crawford, Texas - According to an unnamed guest at George Bush's Texas White House barbecue this weekend, Bush stated that Cuba has a death ray and derided Cuba's Fidel Castro for developing the weapon of mass destruction.
Read full storyBritain sets sail, fish distraught, inflatable shark sales soar
LONDON - Scientists from the world renowned Thropple Research Institute of London today announced that the United Kingdom is "helplessly drifting towards the North coast of France". The shock revelation was made during a hastily arranged lager and pe...
Read full storyTom Selleck Victim of Botched Plastic Surgery
Crying foul and looking fouler, Tom Selleck has decided to sue plastic surgeon Ismar Ramsi after Ramsi botched a nose, face, and eye job on Selleck.
Read full storyHarry Potter and the Curse of the Student Loan
Literature. London - Friday 1st April. Bloomsbury, publishers of the Harry Potter books, have released the title of the next installment in the series about the boy wizard. The publication, which doesn't go on sale until August, will be call...
Read full story‘Connolly's always for sale' says Wigan boss Jewell
Speaking at a press conference this afternoon, Wigan boss, Paul Jewell revealed his motivation for signing Republic of Ireland international, David Connolly. "Well it was getting really close to the closing of the transfer window and we still hadn't...
Read full storyStudy: Wheaties, Breakfast of Champions Helps Keep Men Trim
Bethesda -- Wheaties, "Breakfast of Champions" helps keep men fit and trim as well as reducing morning stiffness, according to a study that tracked over 1,700 men for 10 years. Virtually any form of morning snatchfood, apparently,...
Read full storyJeff Gannon Tapped for FEMA Post
White House Spokesperson Scott McClellan said today that Mike Brown's removal from the Hurricane relief effort was just the beginning. "We thought that Brownie's experience with the Arabian Horses Association would make him perfect for...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Blamed for Rise in Number of People Smoking
New York - A prominent member of the medical community has claimed that recent increases in the instances of smoking among certain group may be directly attributable to Sen. Hillary Clintons ongoing anti-smoking campaign. Dr. James West, who is a ren...
Read full storyAFP Photo of Katrina Debit Card #: Priceless
Astrodome: Within two minutes of AFP photographer Stanly Honda electronically publishing a photo of Katrina victim Latesha Vinette holding up her Red Cross debit card, Ms. Vinette was paged by the management of Reliant stadium to receive a call from...
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