‘Connolly's always for sale' says Wigan boss Jewell

Funny story written by Marcus Laputa

Saturday, 10 September 2005

Speaking at a press conference this afternoon, Wigan boss, Paul Jewell revealed his motivation for signing Republic of Ireland international, David Connolly. "Well it was getting really close to the closing of the transfer window and we still hadn't signed a striker, then one of boys says to me, ‘What about David Connolly? He's always for sale'. First of all I thought he was joking but then I thought to myself, ‘hang on, it's worth a try'."

Wigan had failed in their previous attempts to sign strikers Dean Ashton from Norwich and Fatih Tekke from Trabzonspor before paying Leicester £3 million for Connolly.

Jewell admitted that the price may have been a little high, "The first time Leicester told me they wanted three million, I thought to myself, ‘hang on, you must be having a laugh'. But in the end I had to give in. I suppose its like when you're in an airport, you're past security and then you want some food. You can either buy a stale salad roll for eight quid or you can go hungry."

Connolly, who was also at the press conference this afternoon, said that he thought he was settling in well at his new club and said that he is looking forward to fulfilling the role thrust upon him. "From what I understand the club only looked at two other strikers before signing me so I was fairly high on their list. Obviously that comes with its own responsibility. I hope I can live up to the expectations."

When asked about the large number of clubs he had played for, the striker, who had previously played for Watford, Feyenoord, Wolves, West Ham and Wimbledon, explained that he had a love of traveling. "When I was a kid I used to love the T.V. program ‘The Littlest Hobo'. I loved the idea of just traveling from town to town, getting in adventures and solving problems. It's really been a dream come true that I was able to do it in my own life."

When asked if he'd like to stay at Wigan until his contract ran out, he replied, "Well, I suppose its like the song says, ‘Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down, but until tomorrow, I'll just keep on moving on'."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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