New Orleans Goes To The Dogs

Funny story written by MrChrisJ

Saturday, 10 September 2005

image for New Orleans Goes To The Dogs
Every Dog Has Its Day

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, government officials were shocked to see the balance of power shifting from human to canine domination throughout the city of New Orleans. "This town has gone to the dogs," said President Bush on Thursday, following his second visit to the area. Members of FEMA, who personally witnessed an animal uprising during early hours on Friday, shared this same sentiment. "There are dogs everywhere, running amuck within the streets of the city! We fear that life as we know it may be lost!"

For years New Orleans' residents feared the possibility of devastation following a category 4 or greater hurricane. However, it was the storm following the storm that now has officials concerned. Although flooding caused the first wave of destruction in the city, it was the second wave of canine totalitarianism, which truly horrifies Louisiana residents.

The transfer of power began as city residents were forced to flee New Orleans and seek sanctuary, early last week. While the evacuation of many residents was a top priority of government officials, nearly all rescue workers prevented pets from accompanying their owners. It was thought by many that hundreds of thousands of animals would perish in Katrina's wake. Yet, few anticipated the canine uprising.

"I was climbing into a rescue boat, when Rusty grabbed my leg and said, ‘not unless you plan on taking me with you.' It was terrifying and would have been the end of me had I not been carrying a red rubber ball," said one New Orleans native. Other residents share similar stories of horror felt as the "Day of the Dogs" began.

"Cats didn't stand a chance," said Condoleeza Rice of the week's events. "[Cats] hate water. Those who did survive the storm were skinned alive." Clearly the prejudice and frustration felt by many of the discarded mutts has resulted in absolute chaos throughout the lower New Orleans.

There have been claims that members of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) have entered the now canine occupied city with desires to assist in the complete transfer of power. PETA president Ingrid Newkirk commented saying, "For years Americans have called themselves ‘Master' and ruled forcefully over our four legged brothers. Now another race holds the ‘newspaper' of power in its right paw and firmly says ‘Stay!' We submit to this new rule of law."

In opposition to PETA, President Bush has vowed the use of force against anyone who aids or harbors these "beasts" of the city. "I have already asked congress to pass the new Anti-Canine Initiative, with 40 billion dollars set aside for obedience schools and troop deployment in the region. We will not pull out of New Orleans until this doggie problem has been ‘fixed.'"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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