Bethesda -- Wheaties, "Breakfast of Champions" helps keep men fit and trim as well as reducing morning stiffness, according to a study that tracked over 1,700 men for 10 years. Virtually any form of morning snatchfood, apparently, is good for a man's psyche as well as helping to tone his ab and lower back muscles.
Stiffness associated with age results from reduced bloodflow to joints and muscles during the deep relaxation of sleep, said the researcher. Stiffness in other areas results from blood accumulation in the male member, particularly when there's a need to urinate." Stretching, anti-inflammatories like Aleve and Aspirin can help with the former, but only the Breakfast of Champions will help with the latter."
Men with partners who enjoyed playing games like "Hide the Salami," "Parking the Hummer", "Trains and Tunnels" or enjoying any other sort of morning snatchfoods before leaving for work reported less grumpiness, a significantly reduced incidence of stress, and RSS levels more than 37% lower than bachelors living alone.
Cereal or fruit alone for breakfast, "doesn't cut it" for a lot of men, according to findings of the study conducted by the Maryland Medical Research Institute. "Even bacon and eggs isn't enough." We recommend a full, 'hearty" snatch in the bedroom followed by OJ and a light snack before leaving for work.
Morning hardening of organs other than the arteries is a common occurance for men, and clot-dissolving drugs like aspirin have little effect. Dissolving "morning wood" isn't a job for termites or presciption medications, said the author of the study. "The Breakfast of Champions is a popular remedy, mostly because it works." Our study discovered that nothing works better at getting rid of love handles than having a partner have to hang onto them vigorously for twenty or so minutes each morning.
The results were gleaned from a larger hand study of 2,379 males in California, Ohio and Maryland who were tracked between ages 9 and 19. "Young men who can't get out of bed promptly in the morning usually attempt to self-mediate, said researcher Peter Glanz. The results are predictable; more laundry for an already overworked homemaker, and falling in love with pictures of Lilly."
Originally the title of a book by author Kurt Vonnegut, the "Breakfast of Champions" is enjoyed by an estimated 37 milion men each day. The rest are either single, or married."
