Sausage retires after beating
MILWAUKEE - In yet another classic example of "You Can't Make This Shit Up", Wisconsin's most famous sausage has decided to retire, but she'll always relish the memories.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush announces to world, "I'm an asshole!"
Washington, D.C. -- President George W. Bush held a press conference today that will go down as one of the strangest moments in U.S. history. After a few opening remarks by his Press Secretary, the President took the podium, looked around for a mome...
Read full storyAmerica revealed to be cause of cancer, obesity
Ithaca, New York -- Researchers at Cornell University have concluded a four-year study of the United States, which they reveal to be the leading cause of cancer, obesity, heart disease, emphysema, diabetes, rabies, chlamydia, herpes, hepatitis, and c...
Read full storyGoogle IPO revealed as the Messiah
New York -- Wall Street analysts conferred with Vatican See officials last week concerning the impending Google IPO. According to experts, the search engine is actually none other than the Messiah.
Read full storyTNT announces new reality show, "American Idiot"
Hollywood -- In an effort to grow apace with the ratings boom of reality TV shows, Tacky Network Television has unveiled their newest offering for the Fall line-up, American Idiot.
Read full storyBush Taken to White House Infirmary
President George W. Bush, under the mistaken impression that he is a bird, tried to flap his arms and fly to Camp David, Maryland.
Read full storyCurious Developments In Iraq: Lying To What Purpose?
We have all heard the story: Saddam Hussein captured while living in a pit in the ground. Some few have even seen the pit - though it was filled in very quickly. It all seemed to make sense. Of course Saddam would hide in a hole in the ground, he...
Read full storyJackson To Secede From The United States, California
In a move aimed at ending his current prosecution and avoiding further prosecution in the future, Michael Jackson announced this morning that he and the Neverland Ranch were going to secede from the United States and California.
Read full storyShemales To Honor Jackson
Las Vegas -- The National Federation of Shemales on Film (NFSF) have invited Michael Jackson to be the Keynote speaker at their annual Shemale Blowout Party - the meeting they sponsor each year in Las Vegas to discuss issues relating to Hollywood's...
Read full storyCrazy Hitler Lawn Service
Do you come home from a long hard week just dreading having to cut the grass. Does your yard resemble the salad bar at a cheap steak restaurant?...
Read full storyWar Over, We Won!
AP -- Washington, D.C. -- In a surprise statement, the Bush administration announced today that the United Coalition Forces - comprising the nations of Great Britain, The United States and Micronesia - had won a stunning final victory in the war in I...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Compared with Saddam Hussein; Hollywood Responds
NBC might have something to smile about during fall sweeps, after the end of hit show ‘Friends'. Mr. "Unscripted Drama", Mark Burnett is teaming with NBC and Amnesty International to produce a new reality show, starring W and Saddam, in which the mos...
Read full storyDavid Wells Drinks Two Cases of Beer, Throws No-Hitter
Bragging that he throws better when he's severely intoxicated, David Wells tossed a no-hitter against the Montreal Expos immediately after drinking 24 beers in one hour on Tuesday. "I thmelled like a frat house at 2 a.m. Would you be cumferb...
Read full storyCheney Says Photos of Iraqi Prisoners are Fake!
5-10-04 - When asked by a reporter what he thought of the embarrassing CBS-aired photos of naked Iraqi prisoners?", Cheney huffed, "They're fake! Each of the photos has been doctored up by the Liberal Press to embarrass the Administrat...
Read full storyEuro space race is on, Italian's build first pasta spacecraft
Yesterday European Scientists successfully conducted a test of the "Phoenix craft". The Phoenix is a German build spacecraft for use in the joint European space shuttle program. In the 90 seconds of flight the craft reached speeds of 450 kilometers p...
Read full storySurvivor All-Stars Finale: Amber Wins, Boston Rob Proposes, Jenna Pregnant
Madison Square Garden, NY- In a live CBS broadcast, Amber walked away with the $1 million prize and a modest diamond engagement ring from Boston Rob, in the season finale of "Survivor." "I'm pretty sure this season's participants averaged the lowe...
Read full storyGeorge Bush names Michael Jackson new Secretary of Defense
WASHINGTON - In his search for the perfect scapegoat, George Bush today announced that he would accept Donald Rumsfeld's resignation and immediately appoint Michael Jackson as America's new Secretary of Defense.
Read full storyPresident Bush Speaks In Tongues At Prayer Breakfast
Washington, D.C. -- President Bush astounded supporters, local ministers and staff at a prayer breakfast this morning when he stood suddenly, looked about as if in a daze, and began spouting what sounded like gibberish to those present.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush possesses the Ring of Power
Washington -- The world was stunned today when President George W. Bush was found to be in possession of the One Ring to Rule Them All.
Read full storyKilroy-Silk Pro-Euro Boost
Former Labour MP turned television presenter turned Arab basher turned Euro candidate, Robert Kilroy-Silk has said that Britain should leave Europe before it sinks into the sea under the weight of immigrant Arabs.
Read full storyMan sues God
St. Cloud, Minnesota -- A Minnesota man has filed a lawsuit against God Almighty, the Lord of the Universe. Clyde Tollerud, 44, of St. Cloud, has filed a lawsuit for breach-of-contract against the Creator, citing numerous prayers that were never ans...
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