St. Cloud, Minnesota -- A Minnesota man has filed a lawsuit against God Almighty, the Lord of the Universe. Clyde Tollerud, 44, of St. Cloud, has filed a lawsuit for breach-of-contract against the Creator, citing numerous prayers that were never answered.
"I've been faithfully observing the Ten Commandments an going to church for 23 years," Tollerud told The Spoof. "And I have yet to win the State Lottery! You'd think the guy would get the hint! He could at least answer my prayers about my bowling team going to the Finals, but we're getting creamed!"
Tollerud went on to say that he's reached the end of his patience with a god who seems overly lax when it comes to customer service. Tollerud has retained the services of noted law firm of Chokem, Gropem, and Stokem. "We've filed a 500 gazillion dollar lawsuit against the defendant for breach of contract and failure to provide services," said lead counsel Harry Chokem. "Our client has been a faithful believer for many years, but has yet to receive any kind of remuneration for his services to the Almighty."
God, who has been subpoenaed to appear in a Minnesota civil claims court, told Spoof reporters, "I'm really taken aback by this. I mean, I thought Clyde and I were tight. He's never complained before now. There was that time back in '91 when I made the sun rise just for him, and after all, I did send my son Jesus to die for Clyde. Why hasn't Clyde talked to me about this stuff?" When it was pointed out that most mortals fear him because of his tendency to rain fire an brimstone on people, the Almighty chuckled and said, "Oh, yeah." The Lord then levelled a city.
The case will be heard by Judge Joseph Wopner, formerly of the People's Court. When asked for comment, Wopner replied, "I know that both parties have been sworn. I have read the complaint." Wopner went on to say that the plaintiff has already filed a list of witnesses that includes such notables as Judas and the Boston Red Sox.
