Written by Chuck Barber

Monday, 10 May 2004

image for Curious Developments In Iraq: Lying To What Purpose?
Few Knew Saddam Hussein Was A Nudist

We have all heard the story: Saddam Hussein captured while living in a pit in the ground. Some few have even seen the pit - though it was filled in very quickly. It all seemed to make sense. Of course Saddam would hide in a hole in the ground, he's rodent-like, isn't he?

Well, if he was so loathsome, why are so many fighting still against the Coalition forces? Why do they risk their lives - lose their lives - in the name of a defeated powerless former leader? Are they all simply dissatisfied with their lots in the new Iraq?

Or is there more?

If you believe the story as related by the embedded journalists - the in-bed-ed journalists - then you can stop reading here.

But if you believe the US led Coalition forces are up to something, then read the following story which moved on the wires immediately after Saddam's capture. It tells a very different story. After the fact, a story like this might be the work of someone hoping to discredit Saddam - someone like the Coalition forces.

However, this story hit the wires, and then was killed, even before the Saddam in a rat-hole story was released.

What are they trying to hide?

And who, exactly is trying to hide it?

Saddam Arrested

(The name of the wire service has been deleted - Baghdad, Iraq) Saddam Hussein was arrested today while relaxing under the opened canopy of a motor home by the banks of the Tigris River at the Mesopotamia Nudist Colony.

Caught nude and unawares, Saddam seemed nonplussed as the desert fatigue clad members of the US Marines "Proud Twenty" - a special forces detachment specializing in capturing and kidnapping ‘difficult personages' - closed in around him. Holding a newspaper in front of himself, Hussein looked about in shock at the encroaching soldiers, then began to defend himself, first throwing his drink, then an ice bucket and finally a bottle of Old Crow Gin at the Marines.

"He didn't have much chance," laughed Major Bundle Jenkins, as the former dictator of Iraq was led off to a waiting military Humvee. "We cuffed him first, then put some pants on him. His people sold him out as soon as they realized it was comply or die. No one seems willing to die for him anymore."

The US military had planned the capture for days after learning that the former president of Iraq was hiding out at the nudist camp. Gen. Ricardo S. Sanchez, the top US military Commander in Iraq grinned widely as he spoke to reporters at a hastily called, but heavily guarded press conference. "We have been looking for the motor homes filled with weapons of mass destruction that Secretary Powell alluded to in his speech to the United Nations. We knew they were here, somewhere, and we have been hunting for them for months. Intelligence told us that the MHVs (motor home vehicles) existed. It was just a matter of finding them. At first we didn't know we were going to catch Saddam, too. That was just a lucky break."

After leading Saddam to the Humvee the Marines opened the door of the motor home to discover Iraqi scientists working feverishly in the Marine styled "mobile labs of mass death." Wearing nothing more than aprons, gloves and respirators, the scientists seemed resigned, even pleased, the chase was over.

Senior scientist Kledam Sanarsi shook his head when asked about his time in the motor home, "Saddam, he was a good president. Yes, for me, he was a good leader. But he was a bad driver. A very bad driver."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Iraq, Saddam Hussein

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