In yet another feeble effort to disguise the inevitable black hole in Great Britain's finances, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announce the sale of land and property owned on behalf of the state by the army. A prime candidate for the first sale i...
Embattled Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, broke down under interrogation by James Humphreys during this morning's Toady programme. With tears running down his cheeks and sobbing uncontrollably while snot dribbled from his nostrils, the Prime Ministe...
Not since the days of Dr Beeching's axe has so much attention been paid to the few peasants who travel by train to their humdrum jobs in London financial institutions. In a bid to reassure this focus group (known as "Yuppy Wankers" by the rest of...
In an new cost-cutting measure, Britain is to hand over the arming of British soldiers to foreign companies. Despite Britain having led military weapon technology and development since 256 BC when the head butt was introduced, the Cabinet has deci...
In a biography to be published tomorrow (Harpers & Connings, £29.95, and to be serialised in the Daily Fail for no extra cost) famed department store salesperson, Mrs Doris Slocombe, has revealed the secret romance that contributed to her recent...
In a shock move to restore popularity, Government Ministers have announced the re-introduction of capital punishment. The Home Secretary has taken it upon himself, under the Prevention of Terrorism Act, to bring back the rope. "I mean, we can get...
Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has announced her resignation with immediate effect. Ms Palin took the unusual step of traipsing by the stores from which she had borrowed the glamorous wardrobe that had been one of her most vital weapons in her attem...
An enterprising member of Her Majesty's Constabulary has set up in business with a mobile refreshment stand. Featuring jumbo hot dogs, the business is expected to flourish. "I import my dogs from Germany" says Mick Davies(nicknamed "Careless" b...
The scorching summer heatwave has prompted an outbreak of cliches. In scenes not repeated since the last time, young women have been pictured eating ice-cream, wearing skimpy clothing and sunbathing. Young men, on the other hand, have removed t...
A government think tank report has highlighted the negative effect of policy U-turns seen in opinion poll results. The Chief, Lord Mangelson, has decided that it would be far better if every policy announcement was issued simultaneously with an an...
President Obama, speaking from the Oval Office has decreed that Independence Day 2009 is not to be celebrated and that July 4 is to be deleted from all calendars. "This is part of my Economic Stimulus Package" the President explained. "I expect th...
In a shock revelation, failed celebrity chef Anthony Worrall-Thomson has outed his best friend Jeremy Clarkson, the 17-year-old presenter of BBC's Top Gear motoring and caravanning show. "Jeremy has been living a lie for years" states Worrall-Thom...
Eric Cantona, philosopher, actor, poet, French tosser, sometime footballer has criticised Ronaldo for his recent attack on a 17-year-old girl. Ronaldo allegedly kicked in the window of the girl fan when he saw her taking video footage of him and h...
In a shock revelation, the IPCC (Immediate Prevention of Constabulary Conviction) organisation has stated that the "policeman" who it is alleged struck and injured Ian Tomlinson - who died, possibly as a result of injuries received, was an imposter.
For the 4th time in two short weeks, plucky little Great Britain has triumphed against the giants! We are the most violent nation in the world! Crime figures issued today show that we are more violent than any European country and have even tak...
Once again, and for the third time in less than 2 weeks, plucky little Great Britain has triumphed in a world league championship. An Illinois, USA, University survey has revealed British women are the Western world's most promiscuous, with seven...
David Blaine has announced his latest desperate attention-seeking scheme. Cancelling a planned event in which he was to have been turned inside out for 53 days in an attempt to beat the World Record (set by Sister John-Paul of the Manhattan Island...
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