Written by Blazing Saddle

Friday, 3 July 2009

image for Phew! What A Scorcher!
The last cliche waiting to be used in reporting the heatwave

The scorching summer heatwave has prompted an outbreak of cliches.

In scenes not repeated since the last time, young women have been pictured eating ice-cream, wearing skimpy clothing and sunbathing.

Young men, on the other hand, have removed their shirts, consumed unwise quantities of Carlsberg and have urinated inappropriately.

Policemen have been observed in their shirtsleeves and Guardsmen have fainted on parade.

In celebrity life, chefs have advised on cooling soups, with Gazpacho once again reaching no 1 in the charts. Actresses have dazzled with scanty red-carpet attire and some have betrayed their complete lack of taste and discretion.

Sexual deviants have appeared from seaside bracken, flashing their drooping parts for the edification of all and sundry.

The RSPCA have warned against leaving dogs in cars and various people have not heeded.

An influenza epidemic is raging - but hey - the sun is shining!

Next on the agenda - flash floods devastate Welsh Mountains - PM to visit disaster area?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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