Written by Blazing Saddle

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

image for David Blaine Vow - I Will Be Buried With Jacko
David Blaine during his attempt at driving his left leg throught the Earth's crust

David Blaine has announced his latest desperate attention-seeking scheme.

Cancelling a planned event in which he was to have been turned inside out for 53 days in an attempt to beat the World Record (set by Sister John-Paul of the Manhattan Island Benedictine Convent during a 1966 re-enactment of a Spanish Inquisition atrocity) Blaine commented "I have been practising hard but have only got as far as pulling my asshole over my head".

Responding to an almost total lack of media (or any other) interest in the inside-out stunt (to have been billed as Reddy Yellowy Yucky Dripping Man) Blaine realised that the Jackson bandwagon might pass him by.

"I will be buried in a closed coffin, beside Michael and 140 tons of concrete will be poured on top of the coffin and left to set".

Blaine indicated that he is going for an unbeatable record and that his analyst has recommended a number of techniques for deepening his trance-like state. It may be that his endurance will be to the end of recorded time.

"The world might never see me again" said Blaine with a knowing wink, leaving this reporter to speculate on the irritating little man's unerring knack for not gaining sympathy.

Michael Jackson's funeral is to be delayed so that Blaine may make final preparations and publicity for his stunt.

It is expected that Blaine's name will not appear on the tombstone.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: David Cameron

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