Written by Blazing Saddle

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for Hanging Is Back - And In Public!
Queue for tickets to the execution of Minty Petel The Harrow Liar

In a shock move to restore popularity, Government Ministers have announced the re-introduction of capital punishment.

The Home Secretary has taken it upon himself, under the Prevention of Terrorism Act, to bring back the rope. "I mean, we can get away with anything, including murder under the POTA" was the "buzz" amongst back-bench MP's.

Announcing the measure, Home Secretary Alan Johnson (17) stated that there had been recent crimes so reprehensible that execution of a death sentence is the only recourse available to society.

"We will re-plant Tyburn tree and take it from there. We will work out a new taxation system to cover costs and will replicate the enviable Iranian way with troublemakers".

Mr Johnson cited recent reports of murmuring against the BBC TV licence fee, persistent failure by "responsible" adults to obey government guidelines on 5-a-day, and especially, mothers who lie to secure places for their children in good schools when all schools are equal under Nu Labor.

When asked why the announcement had been made when there has been no Parliamentary debate, Mr Johnson stated "well, Gordon is on the slippery slope, Murray has lost at Domblewim and Jeremy Clarkson is to marry Susan Boyle, so it seemed a perfect opportunity to hide some good news. We will also be able to increase "Fair Trade" as most hemp is produced in Africa these days".

"Frankly", Mr Johnson continued, "I had a little trouble ensuring immunity for Socialist Members of Parliament - but then, there aren't very many of those".

Albert Pierrepoint, Britain's last pro hangman - now chairman of the Ececutioners' and Accordionists Union - was too busy knotting ropes to comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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