Lawmakers scrapped the first bailout bill, realizing just in time that it only attempted to bail out SOME financial problems. "In our abject humility and deep-felt respect for the American taxpayer, we almost missed this once in a lifetime golde...
From 3 pages to 300, from $700 billion to $850 billion, from bad to worse. Ok, folks, the bill approved by the Senate last night now looks like your run of the mill pork barrel spending, complete with concessions for wooden child arrows and those who bike to work (look it up, I'm not kidding). Oh, and the bill's suitably tied to a mental health initiative (you'd have to be nuts to make this st...
Following the recent resurgence in the nation's love for all things shamelessly 80s, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has unveiled a shocking new policy in order to gain popularity among the public. The Prime Minister's aids had been warning Mr Brown...
The US Senate is taking its first crack at the Wall Street bailout today. The proposal has been revised to help the middle class and is expected to pass. The biggest change is a measure that will increase the FDIC insurance limit from $100,000 to...
The disastrous economic meltdown started by the sub-prime lending fiasco in America has now spread globally. The United Nations Security Council has met in an emergency session at its New York headquarters and voted that all banks in the world need i...
Washington, D.C. - After the rank and file of the Republican and Democrat parties sobered up refusing to pass the three and a half page ultimatum, tantamount to emptying 700 billion dollars out of the pockets of Americans and placing U.S. Treasury Se...
CRAWFORD, Texas - President Bush in light of the amazingly horrible state of the economy was asked while spending the weekend at his Texas home located on his Lazy Bar B Arrogant Longhorn Ranch how in the civilized world he can justify continuing the...
Elder statesman McCain and his Christian Fundie running mate Sarah Palin accused Barack Obama of being the Anti- Christ who is ushering in the end times and the Battle of Armageddon. The evidence offered by the Republicans was the 666 points the...
New York, New York - Today a militant group of Wall Street investment bankers dressed in black ankle length overcoats, wearing shaded sunglasses and gay fedora hats stood on the opening and closing balcony of the New York Stock Exchange. Overlooking...
I'm not really worried about the credit crunch, or the world banking crisis, because I'm financially insolvent anyway. So what does all this mean to me? Nothing. Zilch. Because if you don't have nothing, then there's nothing anybody can take away from you. So don't worry, be happy, just pretend that half your nation's GDP has been well invested by city suited types who (allegedly) d...
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Go-Figure! Mess): City digit crunchers have discovered the world's biggest ever prime number after adding up the square roots of every known Wall Street balance sheet scam and multiplying it by the total of Manhattan ATM c...
In an effort to ride the financial storm, the Bradford and Bingley Building Society has decided to change direction. From tomorrow, the building society will no longer have anything to do with savings, finance or buildings and is moving into sell...
On the face of it, the White House sponsored bail out of sunken Bank bad debts is legitimate. However, the real reason is that Presidential staff do not want family and friends knocking on the front door, disheveled in appearance and pleading for a h...
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Ass Mess): "It's all in the initials!" FBI cryptographers commented today about their suspicions that Henry Kissinger, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet may well be the 'Real KGB' behind recent Wall Street turmoil. The topno...
To set the scene, we have a country in economic disarray, a Presidential election and predictions of another even Greater Depression. Enter the Bush administration seasoned by its mismanagement of a terror attack on US soil (during which President Bu...
Washington President Bush today managed to grab for himself part of the media attention surrounding the tentative bi-partisan agreement on the so-called bailout plan by explaining to the gathered Washington press corps just how he intends to finance...
Washington DC-- Congress was faced with the biggest challenge in generations over the weekend and decided to look away at the last minute. No one wanted to write a check for $700 billion! After a weekend of threats and tears, House Speaker Nancy Pel...
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