A important discovery was made today in an ancient cave relating to a financial meltdown in pre-historic times. From pre-historic drawings of carvings on the cave wall experts have deciphered evidence of the financial markets in turmoil even in th...
As Icelandic banks crashed, throwing world stock markets into disarray, Hollywood actress Sharon Stone claimed she had been right all along. 'Told ya, didn't I?', she said, 'if ya go around stealing money from savers and fiddlin' the books, bad k...
As the effects of the worldwide Credit Crunch, economic downturn, banking and financial crises finally took their toll, two areas of business showed positive signs amidst all the gloom this week - as every other organisation lost wads of cash, Poundl...
The recent implosion of international banking institutions has been welcomed by one section of the community: taxidermists. These denizens of animal dermatology are only too happy to advise victims of the credit squeeze to get stuffed. Recommendi...
After a massive influx of cash into the UK Banking system, the banks have decided that the best way to ease the credit crunch is to set up offshore banks. The chairmen and directors of the 'Big Three' (HBOS, Lloyds-TSB) have bought large ocean go...
The credit crunch affecting the world financial markets has begun to be felt by the planners of the 2012 Olympic Games in London. The chairman of the Olympic Delivery Authority John Armitt said last month: "The consequence of what is happening in...
David Blaine today revealed that the 'Credit Crunch' was his greatest illusion to date. The weirdo magician was said to be laughing on the other side of his face (a trick he perfected in 1998) at the turmoil in the global money markets. "I simp...
The National Enquirer, October 2008: The Reverend Jessie Jackson was quoted as saying "JOWS" and "Zionists" were responsible for all the world's problems. Due to Rev. Jackson's funny accent and Ebonics elocution, this paper found it necessary to per...
Canary Wharf, London - (Ass Mess): Unemployed bankers have just 65 days left before the chance of a bit of Yuletide legover as thousands of disgruntled wives and partners freeze out their other halves from the bedroom in the current frigid economic c...
LAS VEGAS (FMLiveWire) -- Sandy Smegaloff who spends her evenings stripping, lap-dancing and hooking at Frick's Cabaret here says she's making only a fraction of her income of a year ago. ''You don't shop, you don't buy stuff you can't afford now,...
Guy Ritchie and Madonna announced they are to divorce blaming the global credit crunch for creating irreconcilable differences between them. A spokesperson for the couple said "Like many financial institutions they have found staying afloat very d...
Professor Hugh Jarse was left red faced when it was revealed that the recent experiments using the Large Hadron Collider were responsible for the global financial crisis. The top British boffin explained "When we started the experiment we, as pred...
Los Angeles governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has today unveiled alternative plans for the rescue of the US economy, after first telling White House staff that the $700billion plan put forward by President Bush, was "bullshit". The US is in the midst...
A leading high street charity shop looks set to close after it's shares plummeted. Oxham, founded in the 1960's by pop singer Tiny Tim, finds itself on the brink of collapse as the credit crunch hits hard. Dr Ernest Arkwright, a leading charity e...
Hollywood, California- Pat Sajak and Vanna White have demanded that the United States government totally take over U.S. banks or face a boycott of their show, Wheel of Fortune, which would result in millions of U.S. citizens and tens of millions ille...
Reykjavik, Iceland - The Icelandic parliament met this week in the capital of Reykjavik to discuss their financial predicament. The Icelandic Prime Minister, Geir Haarde, has gone over several options to fix the financial crises in Iceland. One op...
In separate statements released to the press yesterday, lead actresses from two well known television dramas are doing their part to assist victims of the recent Wall Street crash. Leveraging their previous relationships with fashion designers a...
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