Desperate Housewives & Sex in the City Stars Help Financial Crisis Victims

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Sunday, 12 October 2008


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In separate statements released to the press yesterday, lead actresses from two well known television dramas are doing their part to assist victims of the recent Wall Street crash.

Leveraging their previous relationships with fashion designers and women's accessory manufacturers, the lead actresses from both "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives" have cleaned out their closets to donate shoes for an international auction. The proceeds of the auction will go directly to the underprivileged and destitute victims of the Wall Street crash of 2008.

Partnering with eBay, the media starlets are featuring over 4700 pairs of custom designed and previously worn shoes, some of which were captured on film during the taping of each series. Eva Longoria from Desperate Housewives told reporters, "It's a way for us to give back to our fans." When asked if her beau and basketball pro husband, Tony Parker objected to the wiping out of her collection, she replied, "Don't worry. I've kept the leopard skin Manolo pumps with the 4 inch heals that he likes. He'll be fine."

Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex in the City commented, "Who knew I had 800 pairs of shoes in my closet. Now that they're gone, I have room to buy all kinds of new stuff."

Questioned about how "shoes" could make any sort of dent in the financial losses of some victims, she replied, "Some of these Ferragamo, D&G and LoPresti shoes retail for thousands of dollars. I'm sure they will auction for almost as much."

Many questioned the potential audience for this type of auction, given the fact that most shoes were out of the price range of working class citizens, but eBay reports that auction sales are strong.

"Apparently the rumors of Imelda Marcos being out of the shoe market may have been an exaggeration. A representative of her estate just purchased 1000 pair." eBay says. "We've even received a special request from Chris Elliott, the actor who played "Woogie" in "Something About Mary". He was willing to buy 500 pair, provided they smelled 'well worn', as Mr. Elliott put it. We didn't ask why. What Mr. Elliott does with them in the privacy of his own home is fine with us."

Not to to be left off the fundraising bandwagon, Jessica Simpson announced that she will be donating her collection of push up bras and bustiers to the auction as well. eBay recommends that she auction them unwashed, to help drive the price up.

"There are a lot of weird men out there." Simpson says, "but whatever gets them off is fine with me, and good for America too."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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