The French public have been taken by surprise following the announcement that Carla Bruni has been commissioned to write a new national anthem. A recent poll revealed that most French were quite happy with The Marseillaise (The jolly one that goes...
In the latest desperate attempt to pull the nation out of economic stagnation, Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron announced today that the clocks would go forward by 24 hours on Sunday. The Government dismissed the objections of sane people ag...
At the Oasis Bar and Grill Attendance 45 Spectators to this game were promised a treat, and the action didn't disappoint. The game had barely begun when West Ham striker Janet Cole opened the scoring by arriving in a new Ferrari. Man U...
A major international row broke out today between the US, Britain and India following the undignified events that took place in an Indian restaurant last night. It has emerged that prior to the President's state visit to India, he was briefed on t...
NOW WITH EVERYTHING DOWN IN PRICE, there has never been a better time to buy a loaf of bread. LOOK! 3 wholemeal loaves down from £2.55 to £1.99 - Yes one-nine-nine!and look at these stylish floured baps -Now just £2.50 a dozenor what about our designer hamburger buns - Only 65p a pack If you thought that you could never afford the luxury of a medium sliced white loaf then think again. Our st...
It was revealed today that the government has run out of things to close down. A spokesman for the Department of Trade and Industry said: "There has been a concerted effort over the last 30 years to close down as much of British industry as possib...
Lovely Colleen Rooney and her hunky husband travelled down to B&Q in their personalised Range Rover last week, and after examining the discounted items for sale, they decided to buy a new washing up bowl. "It was like a dream come true" shrill...
The wife of the England striker Wayne Rooney has announced that she intends to open a new plumber's merchants in the Cheetham Hill district of Manchester. The new shop is expected to provide the usual array of gold plated taps, designer radiators,...
A private clinic in the North-West confirmed today that England striker Wayne Rooney is to receive a new set of testicles from an un-named donor, believed to be a Lithuanian labourer. Dr Bungiton Farmyardarea of the exclusive Prestbury Clinic was...
There was pandemonium yesterday when the world's most wanted terrorist was discovered in the garden shed of local man Kevin Smally. Mr Smally, a junior quality control inspector at the local biscuit factory, made the discovery when he entered his...
"Don't worry lad's, help is on the way" was the inspiring message as Britain's last remaining mine rescue team drove down to Heathrow airport in their Morris Marina. The team consisting of Mr Kevin Smally and his dowdy wife Sharon expect to be in...
Lawyers for Popeye The Sailorman have commenced legal action against Tesbury's Supermarkets after it was claimed that their client had suffered a defamation of character when confronted by a display of one of Tesbury's "own brand" products. "I was...
The Tea Party's underwear related problems continue to cause concern amongst its members, as it was announced today that Sarah Palin had accidentally put her panties on inside out. This incident is only the latest in a string of underwear problems...
Following a world-wide search via the internet, beautiful Russian girls Irma and Annelida Weetabixski have found the man they were looking for. Irma - 26, long dark hair, likes tennis and the theatre said "We had popped down to the shops, and when...
The Albanian government has announced that a commemorative bath plug is to be issued honouring the memory of Norman Wisdom who died earlier this week. In a press interview, Albania's foreign minister said "The death of Mr Pitkin was a terrible blo...
The BBC announced yesterday that it is to scrap plans for their forthcoming show "Celebrity Talent". A spokesman said that despite interviewing more than 800 D list celebrities it had been impossible to find enough of them with some modicum of tal...
Recently released papers reveal that Britain came close to losing the Second World War due to a fit of pique by the then prime minister Winston Churchill. The papers show that in the spring of 1941 Churchill had received a telegram from President...
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