In a leaked Palace document, Her Majesty, The Queen has revealed that she wants to be buried alongside the Star Wars droid, R2-D2. In an appendix to her will, The Queen states: “I have always been a huge fan of the Star Wars series of films and, i…
There were calls for changes to The Dangerous Bureaucrats Act last night after a 3-year-old girl was admitted to Great Ormond Street Hospital suffering from wounds inflicted by a Government Watchdog that had been left free to roam in a London Park.
A train driver from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that his fondest dream is to one day become a 10-year-old boy. Toby Dell, 54, told The East London Gazette: "When I get home from work in the evenings I often start daydream…
A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that a recent search on a genealogy site revealed that his late father was a brutal torturer in the feared Nazi secret police, the Gestapo. Speaking from his home in Brus…
In a leaked Palace document, Her Majesty, The Queen has revealed that she wants to be buried alongside the Star Wars droid, Artoo Deetoo. In an appendix to her will, The Queen states: "I have always been a huge fan of the Star Wars series of films…
A London man was given two consecutive life sentences at The Old Bailey yesterday after being found guilty of shouting loudly at a burglar who had broken into his home in the early hours of the morning in March 2021. Toby Dell, a retired forklift…
A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has revealed that a Facebook friends request from a man he used to associate with in his late teens and early twenties but who he always considered to be an utter twat has left him feeling cornered an…
Underfire royals, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle last night roared out a defiant message to the British people that they would once again become the Duke and Duchess of hearts by winning a gold medal for Great Britain in the next winter Olympic Games…
A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman has berated her boyfriend's sexual performance, branding it, 'pathetic', after the pair had indulged in a steamy romp using semaphore flags. Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Lane, told The East London Gazette: "W...
Danish/American heartthrob actor, Vigo Mortensen, has told a showbiz mag that Mrs Bridges, the formidable cook out of the popular 70s period drama, Upstairs Downstairs, engaged in a steamy romp with the young actor during a brief stay in London in 19...
In a bid to end the widespread confusion over the efficacy of wearing face masks to alleviate the spread of Covid-19, the Secretary of State for Health, Matt Hancock, has suggested that they are worn and then removed by the public at five-minute inte...
Tragedy struck in a quiet East London street yesterday, when a circus lion that was being kept in a garden shed by its keeper killed and ate the man's wife and four children. Lion-tamer, Toby Dell, 42, from Vallance Road, Whitechapel, told a local...
A local DIY enthusiast has told The East London Gazette that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower - while his wife remained in the tub. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, revealed: "The...
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he was attacked and badly injured by a giant squid as he was trying to ease his stress about the coronavirus outbreak by immersing himself in a relaxing fantasy about swimming with dolphin...
The scientific community has appealed to all practitioners of homoeopathy to stop sitting on their hands, and to come to the aid of the fight against the deadly covid-19 virus. A spokesman for the World Science Council told newsmen, last night: "T...
There has been widespread criticism of the government's decision to allow the National Health Service to spend £20,000 on a protective mask for big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs. The mask, which will be over 100 metres wide, to accommodate the star's...
In what is being hailed as a surprising silver lining in the current health crisis, environmentalists have reported that the butchered remains of 1950s and 60s gangland victims are now clearly visible at the bottom of the previously murky, Limehouse...
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