London man disappointed to discover father was Gestapo torture fiend

Funny story written by Clive Danton

Thursday, 23 December 2021

image for London man disappointed to discover father was Gestapo torture fiend
What a Bloody bastard. Toby wishes he was a literal bastard now.

A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that a recent search on a genealogy site revealed that his late father was a brutal torturer in the feared Nazi secret police, the Gestapo.

Speaking from his home in Brushfield Street yesterday, Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver, said: "I recently subscribed to a website that promises to discover your ancestors going right back to the Middle Ages.

"As you can imagine, I was pretty disappointed to find out that my dad was a massive Nazi who tortured people in a dungeon beneath a castle in Bavaria.

"Apparently, he used to administer electric shocks to people's private parts and wasn't averse to using mediaeval instruments of torture, like the Iron Maiden and The Rack to make people confess to being spies or Jewish.

"It's a real sickener for me as mum always told me he was in The Home Guard during the war."

Dell's revelations come just two weeks after another family tree-researcher, a 35-year-old woman from Shoreditch, discovered that her grandmother was The Beast Of Belsen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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