Public should alternate face mask-wearing at five-minute intervals says Health Minister

Funny story written by Clive Danton

Friday, 17 April 2020

image for Public should alternate face mask-wearing at five-minute intervals says Health Minister

In a bid to end the widespread confusion over the efficacy of wearing face masks to alleviate the spread of Covid-19, the Secretary of State for Health, Matt Hancock, has suggested that they are worn and then removed by the public at five-minute intervals.

Speaking at yesterday’s media briefing, Hancock said: “The wisdom, or lack thereof, of wearing face masks in the current emergency, appears to be a bit of a grey area among the experts, with some for, and some against the concept.

“This government has, therefore, decided that it would probably be in the best interests of the general public if masks were worn for five-minutes and then removed for a further five and so on.

“The only people who will be obliged to wear masks for long periods are NHS staff while on duty, and Ann Widdecombe whenever she’s out in public”

Hancock then went on to say that surgical scrubs, protective visors, and other items of protective equipment, were being rushed out to hospitals and care homes as fast as is humanly possible, but, in the meantime, clinicians and nursing staff would have to make do with wearing their dressing gowns, underpants, and shower caps while dealing with confirmed Covid-19 patients.

“They can always give their hands a bit of a wash afterwards,” he told newsmen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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