Microsoft computer scientists have set a new world record at sending an inanimate wooden cube shaped object through thin air using the revolutionary technology of quantum teleportation. The team of scientists, based at Microsoft's Tijuana, Mexico...
US President Barack Obama today gave firm support to cutting your toenails regularly, as well as brushing your teeth at least twice a day. 'Let us not sound like Kennedy', he said, not sounding like Kennedy, 'let us not sound like Martin Luther Ki...
Barack Obama's schedule for 2009. Will be doing these: * smiling a lot * using cutesy animals for cheap nauseating publicity stunts * taking himself very seriously * making speeches about absolutely nothing in tones that imply that he's making important speeches about world affairs * hinting at skin pigmentation being important, when no-one outside America cares about it * acting as if...
Bo the new black dawg in the White House reportedly kept the first black family awake for most of his first week in his new home. The Obamas tried blanket wrapped alarm clocks, a rocking cradle that belonged to Caroline Kennedy's pony and a list...
Washington, DC. -- A defiant President Obama took an "I told you so" proud stance in claiming US military victory in the Indian Ocean. It took only 5 days for multiple large US Naval ships to overtake a tiny boat with 4 starving Somali youngsters...
President Barack Obama signed legislation today that will allocate $200 million to encourage people past the age of 100 to stop smoking. Obama explained that centenarians who smoke are damaging their own health and set a bad image for young people...
A heavily disguised Navy Seal sniper struck down three Somali pirates with one bullet. He then diove into the water and single handedly rescued the US Captain and arrested the one surviving bucaneer. Witnesses were frozen in amazement as the hero...
Somali, Africa - Just moments before the fatal shot was taken Navy Seal snipers using laser pointer guided gyroscope equipped rifles to compensate for the pitch, yawl and rolling motion of the pirate lifeboat and US Navy frigate, the pirates received...
President Barack Obama has announced that First Dog Bo's feces will be auctioned off on E-Bay to help pay for the Bail Out plans. The piles, to be called Little Bo Poop, will be mounted on boards and sold to the hightest bidders. The announcement...
After a season of scarce satire seeping from the White House ranks, comedy writers have finally found fodder for hilarious headlines. Weeks of wandering in the political wilderness have left scores of satirists weak and starving for material. But tha...
The Secret Service is extremely disturbed over the discovery that the new dog adopted by the President's family is actually a Chinese mole. It is a mole not only in the sense that it has been equipped with micro-spy equipment in order to gather intel...
The Obama family introduced Bo, the new First Pet, to an excited and happy press today. Members of the media removed their lips from the President's ass long enough to take pictures of the Portuguese Water Dog. It was quickly discovered that Bo m...
President Obama today told the United States Of America that he has a dream. Lots of people have dreams, nothing unusual in that, but Mr Obama has a special dream, apparently. Based on the speech by the late Rev Martin Luther King, Obama alleged t...
Washington, D.C. -- After declaring the end of Western Civilization as we know it, President Barack Obama announce today that happy days are here again and that the sky is not falling, as he had previously predicted in all his speeches until now.
WASHINGTON D.C. - After months of speculation and waiting, the presidential first family has finally welcomed the much-awaited "First Puppy" to its new home; The White House. The Obama bow-wow is a little six-month old male Portuguese water dog wh...
Washington AC/DC - (Porcine Ass Mess): After an absence of some 20 years the White House is to get its very own swinish resident once again following reports that Sen Edward Kennedy has given the Obama family one of his very own Portuguese Wart Hogs...
East Midlands Airport - (Bunny Boiler Ass Mess): President Obama's half-brother Samson is a bestial sex fiend who perverted a Bracknell girl's hamster into full-blown homosexuality. That's the fist, er... gist! - of a UK Border Cops bust following...
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