Written by NickFun

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

image for Obama to Institute Stop Smoking Plan for Centenarians
105 year old Ralph Jacobs says he feels better now that he has kicked the smoking habit

President Barack Obama signed legislation today that will allocate $200 million to encourage people past the age of 100 to stop smoking.

Obama explained that centenarians who smoke are damaging their own health and set a bad image for young people. Many young people believe that if their 102 grandmother still smokes then it must be a healthy habit.

"We must stop the extreme elders from smoking so they can encourage young people to not take up the habit", Obama declared.

Not all centenarians were enthusiastic about the proposal. "I've been sucking two packs a day for 90 years and I ain't gonna quit now", said 102 year old former coal miner and heavy smoker Benjamin Whitten.

Obama called for volunteers to visit nursing homes and assisted living facilities to teach the elderly about the dangers of cigarette smoking. He also instituted new television and radio advertising aimed at the elderly citizens. One newspaper ad reads, "give your lungs a breather before they stop functioning entirely".

"Actually, stopping smoking at that age would probably kill them", said Surgeon General Sanjay Gupta. "I encourage them to keep smoking".

Obama said he would fire Gupta if Gupta fails to change his mind.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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