A local man recognized a turd from his family reunion recently when his toilet overflowed unexpectedly. "He seemed familiar to me," said the man, "Like he made a big splash and didn't go quietly. I knew this turd well. He had holed up inside of...
While vacationing in Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands, Bigfoot, also known as Mr. Sasquatch, reported taking the best photo yet of the storied Loch Ness Monster. Bigfoot, a three-meter-tall-ape-like creature, was visiting Scotland from his home...
The NASA robot dubbed "Curiosity" landed safely on Mars Sunday night smack dab in the middle of a deep pit of quicksand and sunk before any useful data could be collected. Curiosity, the largest and most advanced spacecraft ever sent to another pl...
Former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, appeared at the Velodrome and the Olympic Stadium today and led capacity crowds in mass sing-alongs to obscure Beatles songs at both venues. McCartney was on hand at the cycling track, as the Great Britain women'...
Tippi Hedren, former starlet of the Alfred Hitchcock classic The Birds claims that Hitchcock was a creepy old man. "He was constantly ogling at me and making wear low cut tops and he arranged the cameras so he could see my cleavage," claims Hedre...
The United States failed to make a payment of a piece of cloth and a beaver skin to The Seneca Nation and now must turn over Manhattan Island to the tribe. "At first we thought it was just a clerical error," said a spokesman from the Department of...
A background check conducted by the Romney Campaign, which is considering selecting Condoleeza Rice as Romney's Vice President running mate, has revealed that Rice is related to E.T. the Extraterrestial from the popular 1982 Steven Speilberg science...
During the same interview in which Dick Cheney said that Sarah Palin wouldn't make a good Vice President of the United States, Cheney went on to confess that he thought she had great tits, a nice ass, and would probably be a real firecracker in bed.
After a fourth place finish in the 400-meter IM in the 2012 Olympic Games, Michael Phelps had a simple excuse: "I lost my mojo at Heathrow Airport." The 27-year-old Phelps said his mojo was in a nondescript bag that he thinks he may have left in a...
After having fourteen children via in-vitro fertilization and raising the children without a husband, Octomon had decided she wants to meet someone nice and settle down and raise a family. Octomom said her ideal mate would be young, good looking,...
Five ring-shaped flying saucers ominously lingered over Olympic Stadium in London during opening ceremonies of the 2012 Olympic Games. "When I saw the flying saucers and a beam of light came out of the sky, I thought I was witnessing the apocalyps...
"When you gotta go, you gotta go," was Peter Piper's only defense to accusations that he pooped in public in a plastic pumpkin pail. Piper has previous prosecutions for peeing in public (after drinking excessively to cool his mouth after eating pe...
Peter Piper, infamous in nursery rhymes for picking a peck of pickled peppers, tweeted today that he picked a peck of purplish, pink pickled paprika peppers. Tongue twister and pepper picking market analysts peppered the tweet as a pure pile of p...
Daredevil Felix Baumgartner envisioned breaking several world records with his sky dive from 90,000 feet, including the first person to break the sound barrier outside of an aircraft; however after hitting a flock of seagulls, Baumgartner instead cla...
In his newly published memoir, Decision Points, former President George W. Bush hailed his most critical "decision point" as choking on a pretzel, which caused him to faint and fall off the sofa while watching American football on television. "The...
Nut sacks across America are raw after a wave of teabagging sucked up an elephant-sized nut sack of House of Representative races on election night. "Teabaggers without nut sacks currently in their mouths are cheering a win of the House of Represe...
TheSpoof fans turned their attention briefly away from Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert to become immersed in the most hilarious new computer virus ever. "ThinkPoint is an absolutely five-star hilarious computer virus!", said one user still rolling on t...
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