A local man recognized a turd from his family reunion recently when his toilet overflowed unexpectedly.
"He seemed familiar to me," said the man, "Like he made a big splash and didn't go quietly. I knew this turd well. He had holed up inside of me for what seemed like a century. He made my bowels his own personal man cave, playing darts, ping pong, pinball, and Twister with this buddies. He plugged me up and he didn't want to come out. He was stubborn."
"I remember studying that turd before I flushed him," continued the man. "He was photogenic - a real Kodak movement. He was he was about a foot long, freckled with yellow chunks from those buttery roasted corn cobs at my family reunion with little pieces of parsley, celery and onion from my aunt's potato salad. He didn't go down easy either - he was a double flusher, who required a plunger for good measure. And my cesspool complained about that turd - bubbling and gurgling when he finally went down."
The man and the turd decided to go out together for lunch. "This turd had personality. He ran with a fast crowd. His best friends were discarded butt hairs and urine-drenched toilet paper and he knew lots of dirty jokes involving potty humor."
The man said he added the turd as a friend on Facebook. "We're kind of on a first name basis, I guess you could say. I call him 'BM'," said the man. As a matter of fact, when I see on Facebook that his birthday is coming up, I'm planning on inviting him to my family reunion and buying him a Slip-and-Slide, so he can play with nephews. Guess you could say he's like part of the family now."