"When you gotta go, you gotta go," was Peter Piper's only defense to accusations that he pooped in public in a plastic pumpkin pail.
Piper has previous prosecutions for peeing in public (after drinking excessively to cool his mouth after eating peck after peck of piquantly pungent pickled peppers).
Piper blamed this peccadillo on a peck of purplish, pink pickled paprika peppers that he claims didn't agree with him.
When asked by prosecutors why he chose to poop in a plastic pumpkin pail, as opposed to, say, a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket, Peter Piper cited his loyalty to the letter "P" as well as his "personal pledge to proudly potty publicly and prolifically in plastic pumpkin pails."
Piper was sentenced to hard labor in Peoria Penitentiary, picking pecks of peanuts, peas, parsley, peaches, papaya, pears, pecans, plums, potatoes, prunes, pumpkins and paprika peppers.
