Chutney on the Fritz's annual fireworks display is now out of date, politically. The organising committee, led by Brian Asshat has always had a Guy in the image of the Prime Minister, but this year it hasn't had enough time to keep up with the cha…
In a local Tesco, unsold, slightly rotting Pumpkin Tim Claypole and unsold firework Christoper Biggins are commiserating about their fate. 'It is dreadful' bewailed Tim 'no-one wanted me. I was not taken into a toddler's home, to feel the love tha…
There were furrowed brows and anxious looks from behind twitching curtains in one man's neighborhood last night, after a major disturbance in the locality caused residents to wonder just what the hell was going on. The incident happened just befor…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Reports filtering out of the George and Kellyanne Conway household, state that Kellyanne is totally stressed out over her daughter’s verbal attacks on POTUS. Claudia Conway, stated that the "Pied Piper of the Potomac" has about…
In terrifying scenes comparable to those currently being seen across the Atlantic Ocean - in the United States of America - hundreds of wildfires are burning all over England's green and pleasant land tonight, as Bonfire Night gets well and truly un...
Plans to plant several tons of explosive materials under the Houses of Parliament in order to annihilate a 'full house' of members on Tuesday, are going well, and are on schedule, it has been rumoured. An unknown number of malcontents have been bu...
A man who was taken to hospital after his arse exploded has been told by medical staff that he is "lucky to be alive", but is now out of danger, and at home recovering. The man, Dave Cannon, suffered a severe attack of the phenomenon known as 'Rec...
The Firework Code, that set of rules which is so rarely read, let alone taken notice of, has been amended to make things even safer for us all to enjoy Bonfire Night on 5 November. The vast majority of the Code remains as it was, but there are some important additions. These have been included because some people are SO stupid, that they need to be absolutely led by the hand. Fireworks: N...
The decision by the government to overturn its earlier decision to dispense with the £50 note, has aroused the interest of a group of people who, given the opportunity, might cheerfully overthrow the government. The Guy Fawkes Society, a group tha...
Miami, FL - Miami Mayor, Roberto Pinkipants, needed to find a new fireworks display company for their upcoming 4th of July fireworks extravaganza - and they needed it fast! But, of course, the problem is, every company in the business is pretty busy...
COWPATH, Iowa (ABSNN) - An "apparently" booze filled, 87-year-old WWII veteran playing Santa, exploded Sunday afternoon, killing himself, and injuring 27 men and women who were waiting in line to have their pictures taken in his lap. According to on...
SPRINGIELD, Massachusetts (ABSNN) - A nude dancer performing an "amazing, near flawless split" accidentally passed gas and nearby table candles ignited the fart "causing a huge natural gas explosion at the Scores Gentlemen's Club," say fire fighters...
Las Vegas, Nevada - Just when we thought we had "smoothed things over" with the Almighty, some dingle berry sets His house on fire. A fireworks display in Las Vegas, Nevada, reported to be the largest in the world, went completely crazy during a J...
From June 23 to July 04, South Carolina will host the 14th Annual South Carolina Zombie Shoot and Barbecue. The event will be hosted by Gov. Henry McMaster and Sen. Tim Scott and barbecue events will be officiated by Pit Masters Kevin Roberts, Myron...
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA--In a rare and unprecedented move, North Korean officials have been forced to admit that their 90-ton firework was a complete and utter dud. The entertainment device, which North Korea has assured the world was the largest a...
Venlo, Holland: As the new year approaches it seems that Dutch men prefer "banging" in the new with their fireworks instead of "banging" it in with their wives and partners. Tons of gun-powder are about to be exploded into the air this evening, bu...
HOLLYWOOD - Selena Gomez recently stated that she has never been happier than when she is with her boyfriend Justin Bieber. Gomez said that the thing that makes their relationship work is that she is the magnet and he is the steel. She noted that...
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