Wildfires Raging All Across Country

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 5 November 2019

image for Wildfires Raging All Across Country
If this man isn't careful, he might burn his lips

In terrifying scenes comparable to those currently being seen across the Atlantic Ocean - in the United States of America - hundreds of wildfires are burning all over England's green and pleasant land tonight, as Bonfire Night gets well and truly under way.

Fire services from Carlisle to Land's End are on standby to deal with any fires that get out of hand, and people have been asked to keep their pets indoors, just in case any over-excited youngsters take it upon themselves to put bangers up the animals' arses.

Several people have already been taken to hospital with minor burns to their fingers, sustained when they were roasting potatoes in the embers of bonfires they were sitting around telling stories.

Currently, all fires are more-or-less under control, and, whilst they may leave clothes left on washing lines reeking of fire, the devastation seen in California is not likely to be repeated on this precious stone set in the silver sea.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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