William Hague - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 12 February 2012

When I awoke this morning and reached across Lucien to get the Vaseline, there was a knock at the bedroom door.

It was Damien, my personal protection officer, he glanced at my swollen foible and said: "Sir, there has been graffiti written on the security gate outside, would you like to see it before we scrub it off?"

I said "Give us a quick flash, and then I'll go with you to look at the graffiti."

Someone had scribbled 'Make Willie Hague work - don't re-elect him!' on the wall nearby.

If only they knew what I do in their name... just ask Lucien, Julian, Damien, Juan, Artemis....