International superstar was bored out of his mind waiting ages at the Abbey National as the cashier struggled to count all the money. Sir Elton John has lambasted TV song contests after turning down the chance to become a judge on American Idol.
$imon Cowe££ first to leave the sinking ship as "nation's sweetheart" turns sour. Cheryl Cole went from nation's sweetheart to public enemy number one overnight after the X Factor vote-skewing fiasco. Thousands took to the blogosphere to demand sh...
Simon Cowell's wing woman has been secretly taking English lessons as part of his plan to help her crack the American market, an insider has revealed. Cheryl has denied the claim, saying it was a lord of rubbish and norbidy is teaching her anything,...
Believers say "It's a miracle!" as Pope appears in Five Places at Once but Vigilant Police Soon Smell a Rat. Five alleged members of a paedophile ring are in custody today as police uncovered a plot to drive around in public dressed as the Pope in...
School Gates Clogged as Optical Illusion Draws Spectators from Miles Around. An elementary school in West Vancouver has caused a sensation after painting the illusion of a little girl chasing a ball in the middle of the street outside. The paintin...
Action Hero's Sandwich Vendor Opens his Heart to this Reporter. Ever since achieving worldwide fame with the Matrix trilogy, Hollywood Superstar Keanu Reeves seems to have descended into a world of greyness. Countless "Sad Keanu" websites have...
Rooney Well Known for his Love of Antiques, Claims Spokesfloozy. The town of Basel in Switzerland was on high alert last night as rumours swept the town that Wayne Rooney had been dumped by wife Colleen because of his playing away. Instant brothel...
Poor Little Tyke Was Bleary-eyed and Stank of Booze, says Eye Witness. The soft toy world is reeling in shock following reports of a second scandal in three days. Earlier this week Australian police seized a British teddy bear caught behaving susp...
Australian border patrol today seized a teddy bear sent from Britain as a baby gift because it was deemed a threat to the commonwealth's national security. Caroline Rothwell, 26, who has no links to Al-Qaeda, sent the bear in a baby shower parcel...
The entire Argentinean football team has been in intensive physio for three days in preparation for the match with Germany. The players are all suffering various degrees of back trouble after being on the receiving end of hugs and kisses from their c...
Immigration authorities say they fraudulently represented themselves as "professional footballers" when filling in application forms. Rumours of a mutiny have been swirling in the England camp ever since John Terry rebuked captain Capello for spea...
Beer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute. Beer drinkers are celebrating with a pint of their favourite tipple as an independent report has shown that beer is one of the healthiest...
World Cup chiefs have introduced drastic new security measures as South African stadium guards rioted over their poor pay deal. From now on, every fan arriving at matches will be issued with a heavy duty vuvuzela and instructed to keep crazed securit...
John Mayer has voluntarily checked into rehab after it finally dawned on him that the world is not as fascinated with him as Mayer is with himself. The realisation came after yet another attempt to crack the British market left music lovers mystified...
Beset by scandal and hounded by the paparazzi, golfer Tiger Woods has announced he is giving up the game to concentrate on his new career, promoting chastity knickers to the upper classes. "I've always acted on impulse, dropping trouser at the slight...
Following crisis talks, Jonathan Ross is coming to terms with the idea that he is no longer leading the salary ranks. After being top of the pay and perks tree for nearly a decade he has slipped below Bruce Forsyth and now comes right behind Graham N...
It has been revealed that Tiger Woods has finally found an outlet for his special talents. The testosterone-laden sportsman will undertake a mercy visit to 39-year-old Santa Fe housewife Joleen Baughman, who was left suffering from chronic sexual des...
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