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Elton John slams X Factor Contest as "Mind Numbingly, Arse Paralysingly Boring" Before Racing to Bank Royalty Cheques From the X Factor Elton John Weekend.

Funny story: Elton John slams X Factor Contest as "Mind Numbingly, Arse Paralysingly Boring" Before Racing to Bank Royalty Cheques From the X Factor Elton John Weekend.

International superstar was bored out of his mind waiting ages at the Abbey National as the cashier struggled to count all the money. Sir Elton John has lambasted TV song contests after turning down the chance to become a judge on American Idol.

Read full story View 'Elton John slams X Factor Contest as "Mind Numbingly, Arse Paralysingly Boring" Before Racing to Bank Royalty Cheques From the X Factor Elton John Weekend.'

"Off with her Head!" Cheryl Cole's Career in Tatters as X Factor fans Turn Against Her After Voting Shambles.

Funny story: "Off with her Head!" Cheryl Cole's Career in Tatters as X Factor fans Turn Against Her After Voting Shambles.

$imon Cowe££ first to leave the sinking ship as "nation's sweetheart" turns sour. Cheryl Cole went from nation's sweetheart to public enemy number one overnight after the X Factor vote-skewing fiasco. Thousands took to the blogosphere to demand sh...

Read full story View '"Off with her Head!" Cheryl Cole's Career in Tatters as X Factor fans Turn Against Her After Voting Shambles.'

X Factor's Cheryl Cole Denies Secretly Taking English lessons as Simon Cowell Plans to Make Her a Big Star Stateside.

Funny story: X Factor's Cheryl Cole Denies Secretly Taking English lessons as Simon Cowell Plans to Make Her a Big Star Stateside.

Simon Cowell's wing woman has been secretly taking English lessons as part of his plan to help her crack the American market, an insider has revealed. Cheryl has denied the claim, saying it was a lord of rubbish and norbidy is teaching her anything,...

Read full story View 'X Factor's Cheryl Cole Denies Secretly Taking English lessons as Simon Cowell Plans to Make Her a Big Star Stateside.'

Five Paedophile Suspects Arrested in Pretend Pope Plot

Funny story: Five Paedophile Suspects Arrested in Pretend Pope Plot

Believers say "It's a miracle!" as Pope appears in Five Places at Once but Vigilant Police Soon Smell a Rat. Five alleged members of a paedophile ring are in custody today as police uncovered a plot to drive around in public dressed as the Pope in...

Read full story View 'Five Paedophile Suspects Arrested in Pretend Pope Plot'

New Canadian 3D Speed Bump Outside Junior School Increases the Accident Rate but is a Massive hit with Kiddie-Fiddlers.

Funny story: New Canadian 3D Speed Bump Outside Junior School Increases the Accident Rate but is a Massive hit with Kiddie-Fiddlers.

School Gates Clogged as Optical Illusion Draws Spectators from Miles Around. An elementary school in West Vancouver has caused a sensation after painting the illusion of a little girl chasing a ball in the middle of the street outside. The paintin...

Read full story View 'New Canadian 3D Speed Bump Outside Junior School Increases the Accident Rate but is a Massive hit with Kiddie-Fiddlers.'

World's Saddest Superstar - Keanu Reeves - Accidentally Spends his Birthday in a Warehouse instead of a Whorehouse

Funny story: World's Saddest Superstar - Keanu Reeves - Accidentally Spends his Birthday in a Warehouse instead of a Whorehouse

Action Hero's Sandwich Vendor Opens his Heart to this Reporter. Ever since achieving worldwide fame with the Matrix trilogy, Hollywood Superstar Keanu Reeves seems to have descended into a world of greyness. Countless "Sad Keanu" websites have...

Read full story View 'World's Saddest Superstar - Keanu Reeves - Accidentally Spends his Birthday in a Warehouse instead of a Whorehouse'

Seventy-Year-Old Swiss Slappers Out in Force as Wayne Rooney Hits Town

Funny story: Seventy-Year-Old Swiss Slappers Out in Force as Wayne Rooney Hits Town

Rooney Well Known for his Love of Antiques, Claims Spokesfloozy. The town of Basel in Switzerland was on high alert last night as rumours swept the town that Wayne Rooney had been dumped by wife Colleen because of his playing away. Instant brothel...

Read full story View 'Seventy-Year-Old Swiss Slappers Out in Force as Wayne Rooney Hits Town'

Drugged Tiger Cub Rescued by Thai Police in Soft Toy Horror

Funny story: Drugged Tiger Cub Rescued by Thai Police in Soft Toy Horror

Poor Little Tyke Was Bleary-eyed and Stank of Booze, says Eye Witness. The soft toy world is reeling in shock following reports of a second scandal in three days. Earlier this week Australian police seized a British teddy bear caught behaving susp...

Read full story View 'Drugged Tiger Cub Rescued by Thai Police in Soft Toy Horror'

British Teddy Bear Seized By Australian Police and Remanded in Custody as a Danger to Society

Funny story: British Teddy Bear Seized By Australian Police and Remanded in Custody as a Danger to Society

Australian border patrol today seized a teddy bear sent from Britain as a baby gift because it was deemed a threat to the commonwealth's national security. Caroline Rothwell, 26, who has no links to Al-Qaeda, sent the bear in a baby shower parcel...

Read full story View 'British Teddy Bear Seized By Australian Police and Remanded in Custody as a Danger to Society'

Argentine World Cup Squad Rushed to Hospital with Back Problems after Bending Down for Maradona's Bear Hugs After every Goal.

Funny story: Argentine World Cup Squad Rushed to Hospital with Back Problems after Bending Down for Maradona's Bear Hugs After every Goal.

The entire Argentinean football team has been in intensive physio for three days in preparation for the match with Germany. The players are all suffering various degrees of back trouble after being on the receiving end of hugs and kisses from their c...

Read full story View 'Argentine World Cup Squad Rushed to Hospital with Back Problems after Bending Down for Maradona's Bear Hugs After every Goal.'

England World Cup squad to be deported from South Africa for visa irregularities

Funny story: England World Cup squad to be deported from South Africa for visa irregularities

Immigration authorities say they fraudulently represented themselves as "professional footballers" when filling in application forms. Rumours of a mutiny have been swirling in the England camp ever since John Terry rebuked captain Capello for spea...

Read full story View 'England World Cup squad to be deported from South Africa for visa irregularities'

Beer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute.

Funny story: Beer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute.

Beer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute. Beer drinkers are celebrating with a pint of their favourite tipple as an independent report has shown that beer is one of the healthiest...

Read full story View 'Beer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute.'

Football fans drafted in to protect World Cup squads from rioting security guards

Funny story: Football fans drafted in to protect World Cup squads from rioting security guards

World Cup chiefs have introduced drastic new security measures as South African stadium guards rioted over their poor pay deal. From now on, every fan arriving at matches will be issued with a heavy duty vuvuzela and instructed to keep crazed securit...

Read full story View 'Football fans drafted in to protect World Cup squads from rioting security guards'

John Mayer checks into rehab after breaking down on stage to massive public indifference

Funny story: John Mayer checks into rehab after breaking down on stage to massive public indifference

John Mayer has voluntarily checked into rehab after it finally dawned on him that the world is not as fascinated with him as Mayer is with himself. The realisation came after yet another attempt to crack the British market left music lovers mystified...

Read full story View 'John Mayer checks into rehab after breaking down on stage to massive public indifference'

Tiger Woods to get out of golf and start a new life in upmarket chastity pants

Funny story: Tiger Woods to get out of golf and start a new life in upmarket chastity pants

Beset by scandal and hounded by the paparazzi, golfer Tiger Woods has announced he is giving up the game to concentrate on his new career, promoting chastity knickers to the upper classes. "I've always acted on impulse, dropping trouser at the slight...

Read full story View 'Tiger Woods to get out of golf and start a new life in upmarket chastity pants'

I am no longer television's top wanker, Jonathan Ross reveals ruefully

Funny story: I am no longer television's top wanker, Jonathan Ross reveals ruefully

Following crisis talks, Jonathan Ross is coming to terms with the idea that he is no longer leading the salary ranks. After being top of the pay and perks tree for nearly a decade he has slipped below Bruce Forsyth and now comes right behind Graham N...

Read full story View 'I am no longer television's top wanker, Jonathan Ross reveals ruefully'

Tiger in mercy dash to sex-crazed housewife in bid to prevent him becoming an endangered species.

Funny story: Tiger in mercy dash to sex-crazed housewife in bid to prevent him becoming an endangered species.

It has been revealed that Tiger Woods has finally found an outlet for his special talents. The testosterone-laden sportsman will undertake a mercy visit to 39-year-old Santa Fe housewife Joleen Baughman, who was left suffering from chronic sexual des...

Read full story View 'Tiger in mercy dash to sex-crazed housewife in bid to prevent him becoming an endangered species.'

Gordon Brown has Alzheimer's, claims Hollywood star Renée Zellweger as Prime Minister calls for more battered women.

Funny story: Gordon Brown has Alzheimer's, claims Hollywood star Renée Zellweger as Prime Minister calls for more battered women.

Hollywood superstar Renée Zellweger was left fuming when the Prime Minister confused her with campaigning actress Reece Witherspoon. Ms Zellweger is an expert on British politics who plays most of her roles with an English accent. She has demanded an...

Read full story View 'Gordon Brown has Alzheimer's, claims Hollywood star Renée Zellweger as Prime Minister calls for more battered women.'

Breaking news…

Referendum To Ban And Remove Trump

Gosh, since Ireland was successful with their referendum to remove the ban on abortion, can the U.S. have a referendum to ban and remove Trump?
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