AP-(Washington) In is surprise announcement, U.S. Senator Addison Mitchell "Mitch" McConnell, Jr. announced he will undergo a rare "species change" operation to become an actual turtle. The procedure will be performed at the controversial Mexican Ins...
(AP) Minneapolis- In a surprise development, an apparition described by many as the "ghost of Dear Abby" has been visiting dozens of Minneapolis homes giving unwanted advice. Pauline Phillips, better known to millions of newspaper readers for deca...
"It was a dark and stormy night, but never like this. There's never been a dark and stormy night the like this doozey. Lemmie just say this was real dark and real stormy. It was so dark ya couldn't see a finger until it poked ya in the eye. So dark it was beyond black. So dark a 'darkie' looked white. I'll tell you mugs, that's dark. Hubba-hubba. Ya want dark & stormy? This is the real bees...
During a recent labor dispute NASA Mission Control technicians went on strike while Shuttle "Cloudflop" was still in orbit. The space agency outsourced its HELP DESK to a company in India. During re-entry a serious problem developed. Here is a transcript of the request for help. User CLOUDFLOP has entered room CLOUDFLOP (Mon Feb 08 2010 12:40:18 GMT-0500 (Eastern Standard Time) W...
The home of the late cooking legend Julia Child, in Cambridge, MA has been sold to a PETA member and vegetarian. Foodies around the world are crying," It's a blight on our holy grail. A mortal sin and she shall perish from the Earth," said spokesm...
A woman has sued magician Dirk Copafeel, contending he performed "too much magic" on her while she was a guest on his private island off of Somalia for more than twenty years. Copafeel's law firm Paymee & Screw, LLC deny the allegations and s...
Birmingham, Alabama: Disgraced tele-evangelist Jimmy Swaggert has announced taking his ministry in a new direction with the opening of more than 300 "Mr. Jesus, Pizza Shops". "Let's face it, folks just don't go to church anymore, but they do eat t...
(AP)- Washington-Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan. President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed are expected to make this m...
(AP)Oshkosh,WI - If you called Gidget Sonuvabitch a real peach, plum or pear she might not mind, but it wouldn't be quite correct. Sonuvabitch , 50, of Oshkosh, is one of 10 female finalists in PETA's "Sexiest Vegetarian Over 50" contest. PETA...
(AP) - Washington- Offering Americans "Living Autopsies" is on of the major elements of the Obama Administration's health care reform proposal, the AP has learned. The proposal is hidden on page 876 1/2 of the more that 1,000 page document. "Gee,...
(AP) - Washington-In an announcement that took some by surprise, the Obama Administration will permit the radical Muslim terror group to open recruiting stations across the U.S. Saying, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," President Bar...
(AP)-Las Vegas: The leading organization for Americans suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder ended its seven day convention here with the organization President saying there has been progress in fighting the disorder that effects millions of Amer...
(AP) - NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The local Sherriff here says he will file charges against the late NFL star Steve McNair for having a blood-alcohol level twice Tennessee's legal limit when his girlfriend shot him to death. Sherriff Bud "Big Butt" Hunnecutt...
(AP) - Cambridge, MA: If a newly formed children's protective watchdog group has its way, famed McDonald's Hamburg icon "Ronald McDonald" should be charged with child abuse. According to the founder of "RoGo," Stephanie Hertzberg, 43, a health food s...
(AP)-St.Louis, MO: You'll soon have more reading in the bathroom the than a pile of magazines or the newspaper, thanks to a St. Louis based advertising guru. Cyrus Little, CEO of Little, Hope Worldwide announced his international firm will begin sell...
(AP) Detroit - The newly restructured Chrysler Corporation has wasted no time taking a unique lead in vehicle propulsion, completely eliminating the pollution producing internal combustion engine. "Beginning in 2010 all Chrysler vehicles will be...
(AP) - Hoboken NJ: What appear to be the remains of the first U.S President have been unearthed at the site of a new Wal-Mart here. The discovery was made by backhoe operator, Nunzio Crapola., 36, who holds a PhD in Pre-Columbian Forensic Pathology f...
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