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Friday, 14 August 2009

image for Oshkosh Woman In Running For Sexiest Vegetarian
PITA Released Photo Showing "Terrified Cows" Awaiting "Processing."

(AP)Oshkosh,WI - If you called Gidget Sonuvabitch a real peach, plum or pear she might not mind, but it wouldn't be quite correct. Sonuvabitch , 50, of Oshkosh, is one of 10 female finalists in PETA's "Sexiest Vegetarian Over 50" contest.

PETA, in case you didn't know, stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The animal rights group got headlines, and raised eyebrows, a few weeks ago when it objected to President Obama swatting a fly during a television interview. The White House later announced the actual killing was performed by the President's Secret Service detail, fearing it might be a "nano-assassin."

Anyway, this contest has drawn 23 entries from around the country, North Korea and Myanmar, Burkina Faso, Saint Pierre and Miquelon plus one from Sonuvabitch, a part-time actress, acting teacher, model, foreign car mechanic, unlicensed neuro-surgeon and nun on the Church of Satan who heard about it from a friend on Dumbbroads.Com.

She has been a vegetarian for four years. "It was more from an ethical standpoint," she said of her decision to give up meat and most dairy products. "I've always loved animals, and I started to get wind of how animals are treated on factory farms. I never knew they killed them for human consumption. I thought steaks and other meats grew on beef or pig trees. I was shocked."

She demonstrated this year in Cambridge, MA,Harvard Square against foie gras, a French delicacy made from the liver of a duck or goose that often has been force-fed. "I don't give a damn about the geese, but it's such a waste of good grain, which I love to eat raw."

Sonuvabitch, who lives with her husband, Homer, and three hundred cats, seventy two parrots, thirty two gerbils and a goldfish has volunteered at Friends of Oshkosh Animals where she was recently expelled as "unsuitable." A spokesman for the non-profit group couldn't believe Sonuvabitch didn't realize that domestic goldfish are outlawed in Oshkosh.

Giving up meat wasn't easy. "I'm a spaghetti-and-meatballs, bleeding steak, raw brains kind of girl," she said. Fortunately, she found a good substitute. "Actually, they have these vegan meatballs that are awesome,even though they make me vomit and bleed from the ears. But principles come first and you have to suffer for them."

Sonuvabitch joked that if she wins she might request a crown of Brussels sprouts or okra cooked until they are slime. Those are her favorite vegetables.

The winner will be announced Aug. 24, if ever.

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