Written by tlmedia
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Topics: Mitch McConnell

Friday, 24 May 2013

AP-(Washington) In is surprise announcement, U.S. Senator Addison Mitchell "Mitch" McConnell, Jr. announced he will undergo a rare "species change" operation to become an actual turtle. The procedure will be performed at the controversial Mexican Instituto Por Especie Transformación in Tijuana. A member of the Republican Party, he has been the Minority Leader of the Senate since January 3, 2007.

Mitchell made the announcement through a YouTube video posted overnight. In breaking the news O'Connell cited several media pundits such as John Stewart of the Comedy Channel and columnist Angus Schwartz-El Shahib of the respected news organization, "The Daily Onion."

"They say I look like a turtle," so why not follow their sage advice and be one. If the operation is successful I'll be a human sized turtle, not one of those teeny, tiny ones my grand kids get in a pet shop. A similar procedure worked well for my colleague, Newton Gingrich. He now recognized as an amphibian called a Newt. They can change colors at a moments notice, something he does very well.

I'll be legally changing my name to Snapper McConnell. The Democratic opposition has accused the G.O.P of being slow on all so called government reforms, I'll show them slow, he concluded."

There was no immediate reaction from other members of Congress but a source told the Associated Press that House Speaker John Bohner was seen in tears as he was admitted to the psychiatric unit of Walter Reed Army Medical Center in nearby Bethesda, MD

This is a developing story- The AP

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