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Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Attention Deficit Disorder Association Ends Convention, Cites Progress
Doctor Begins Examination Of ADD Patient

(AP)-Las Vegas: The leading organization for Americans suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder ended its seven day convention here with the organization President saying there has been progress in fighting the disorder that effects millions of Americans, but noting there is far more to be done. Association President Rosetta Stone also thanked the Obama Administration for its help. Five thousand were in attendance.

"With the Administration promising ten million, or is it ten billion or trillion dollars, in help for research we have the resources to move ahead. If nothing else was accomplished in the past five, seven or ten days, or whatever it was, this should lead to giant steps. Hey, have you ever tripped on a step, boy you can hurt yourself. I mean break an ankle or worse. That's almost as bad as ADD or Swine Flu, but I never eat pork anyway because it tastes like pig and nobody ever calls me a pig. I also want to thank Mrs. Obama for agreeing to be the honorary spokesman or is it spokeswoman, I always forget, for our organization. Wow, isn't she something, a real fashion icon. Do you have too many icons on your computer, Lord knows I do. They are all over the place. My favorite vacation place is Paris, but there are so many French people. They are all over the place too. Well Mrs. Obama dresses like a queen. Now wait a minute, don't think I'm putting down gay people. I mean is the Queen of England gay? I don't think so," she added.

Moving on to new medical findings about ADD, Ms. Stone continued, "Science has been able to locate the gene that may cause ADD. Don't you just love Gene Autry, I saw him the other day, or is he dead. You know dead people also suffer from our disorder, they just can't express themselves except through their spirits. Did you ever run into an ADD afflicted ghost? Oh God they are so annoying. They just ramble on about this or that or that or this. Can wear a body out as their bodies lie in state. Which state? California, Maine, Alabama, Nebraska, Alaska." she added. " You know that ex-governor of Alaska Sasha Poolin suffers from DDA too. Ever listen to her? One day it's Vice President and who doesn't have vices? The next day it's salmon, but she never says a word about peas. Salmon and peas, yum, yum. But this new gene discovery may lead scientists to a cure of ADA. Man, those Americans for Democratic Action are a liberal bunch, but so is a bunch of grapes. We hope to have a vaccine in the near future to eliminate AAA. Do you belong, they are so helpful in planning a trip." she noted.

In conclusion she thanked the Obama administration for its help. "Barracks Oblama is a great President, but so was Benjamin Tyler, but no one remembers him. I just had my bathroom re-tiled and it looks great, so easy to keep clean. Do you think Mr. Clean is hot? Well I do. He's always on TV selling those Maytag appliances, poor lonely guy. Send him my way, he wouldn't be lonely anymore. A lot of people who have AADDAA and I used to play those chords on my guitar, also stutter. Really tragic as you can imagine, just think of it...think of it," she exclaimed. "If we can develop a successful cure DDD sufferers will be able to focus better. It's been hard work for me, but I've made great strides," she concluded.

By the time Ms. Stone ended her three hour, often rambling speech only six people remained, but the applause was warm and rousing.

By Howard Cronkite Jr., AP Summer Intern Medical Reporter.

The Following Associated Press Summer interns also contributed to this story: Fluffy Lauer, Pinky Wallace, Corky Couric, Taco Rivera & Stoddard "Little Brian" Williams

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