In an unprecedented move, all Democratic candidates have conceded the election to their respective opponents. Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean announced the collective concession this morning. Initially believed to be an elaborate Halloween prank, it was quickly determined by mid-morning that all Democratic candidates had indeed thrown in the towel.
Internationally renowned Kazakh journalist, Borat Sagdiyev, will be arrested and stoned to death if he ever returns to Kazakhstan. Following outcry from his recent documentary, the Kazakh government has signed official forms calling for the journalis...
Gossip Central, Agent's Rumor Mill, Hollywood and Whine---Talent agents looking for extra commissions and gossip mongers looking for an extra body to invite to an event and an ear to fill are now reporting that Reese Witherspoon, star of "Al...
Sandhurst, UK - (Associated mess): The elder son of the Pretender to the Throne, William, has been reported as having 'lost his marbles' at a firing range shoot-out at Sandhurst military academy where he is a cadet.
London - (Associated Mess): As the Bush Administration's top apologist takes the stand in the House of Commons Iraq tie-breaker debate this afternoon, political rapture-watch index aintgottaprayer.com has reported frenetic internet spread-betting...
HOUSTON (AP)-- Christian evangelical Bruce Blatterbug used to simply hand out candy on Halloween like his neighbors here in Houston, Texas until he decided the holiday promoted Liberalism and free thinking and conflicted with the Satanic goals of the...
Bronx, New York--A stunning experiment conducted at the Bronx Zoo has found that elephants show self-recognition. And self-loathing -- if it's a female, that is.
WALKER-TX - The words of the theme song from Austin City Limits, "London Homesick Blues" rang hauntingly true yesterday when a Texas man, after drinking several glasses of wine contaminated with athlete's foot fungus, tenia ped...
CUPERTINO -- As a result of booming sales for Macintosh computers and iPods, linked with the increasingly bleak outlook for Microsoft operating systems, Apple's CEO Steve Jobs has made Bill Gates (King of Microsoft) an offer he couldn't refus...
(QnewZ) - Quick .. on the left? James Arness, Gunsmoke's Matt Dillon still alive and kicking at 83. On the right? Marshal Dillon's wife of 780 years, who knows, time gets lost in a bottle when you're dealing with that many candles on a birthday cake. Scary stuff all this especially with Halloween coming up. Looks like 6 foot 7 Marshal Dillon's about to hea...
Busch Stadium, St. Louee Loueye, Oh. Woe. - Detroit Tiger pitcher Kenny Rogers has been sent to the showers earlier than he wanted when the St. Louis Cardinals beat his team-mates four games to one.
MTV Land, Hollywood, California---Britney Spears is promising anyone who will listen and even some who won't that she is planning to return to her first love, making babies.
A local 4th grader was found alone early this afternoon in an abandoned winery north of Castle Rock. Little Scotty Parker was famished when he was located by police, who had been searching all night for the boy.
ITV chiefs have hailed their discovery of what they claim will be the ultimate reality show.
Wiltshire, UK - Ted Brown, known locally as "Ed", was brutally attacked outside his home on the morning of October 29th, just minutes after walking their family dog named (for reasons unknown) Cat. It is the latest in a series of very thinl...
Miles High -- Today, the three-man crew of ISS was severely chastised for juvenile behavior, complete with threats by Houston to send "adults up there in about one minute."...
WHITE BREAD-VT A dancer for the White Bread and Puppet Theatre in a deer costume was accidentally shot today in the woods outside of Glover. The group, which usually rehearses in a theatre was in the woods to experiment with realism. "We wanted...
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