Written by King David
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Tuesday, 31 October 2006

image for Southerner Contracts Foot-In-Mouth Disease
Foot For Southern Mouth

WALKER-TX - The words of the theme song from Austin City Limits, "London Homesick Blues" rang hauntingly true yesterday when a Texas man, after drinking several glasses of wine contaminated with athlete's foot fungus, tenia pedis contracted foot-in-mouth disease. It was thought that the wine, a product of Barefoot Vineyards in California, had been contaminated by one of it's grape stompers. A recall had been issued since Sunday for all wines under this label.

Eye witnesses say that the infected man, Leroy Clayton, drank several glasses of the wine and just wouldn't shut up. They said that he insulted people's relatives-living and dead, person's eating at the drug store counter, Elvis, Jesus and NASCAR drivers.

The Foot-In-Mouth disease can be contagious especially on neighbor's back stoops, over telephones, at weddings, holiday dinners, small towns and bars. Also, talk about in-laws, politics and religion can cause the disease to rash rather rapidly.

The Nunn County Health Department, in preparation for the holidays, has begun issuing shots against the infection as area churches are switching to grape juice instead of wine for their communions. Pastor Fever commented that "the blood of Christ is exalted and that vineyards were the devil's stomping grounds."

Yet the song always somehow remaines the same....

"Well I decided that I get my cowboy hat
And go down to Marvel Art Station
'Cause when a Texan fancies, he'll take his chances
Chances will be taken now that's for sure
And in limey eyes they were eyein' the prize
Some people called manly footwear
And when you're from down south and you open your mouth
You always seem to put your foot there."

(Theme Song From Austin City Limits-"London Homesick Blues")

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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