Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Tuesday, 31 October 2006

image for Republican Evangelicals Fight Liberalism and Promote Satanism on Halloween
A Republican pumpkin

HOUSTON (AP)-- Christian evangelical Bruce Blatterbug used to simply hand out candy on Halloween like his neighbors here in Houston, Texas until he decided the holiday promoted Liberalism and free thinking and conflicted with the Satanic goals of the Republican Administration of George Bush.

Now, he's put a Republican-Christian stamp on Halloween. Ever since George Bush was elected, trick-or-treating kids will leave his porch with a piece of candy, plus a religious tract describing the Satanic activities of George Bush, who says it is OK to kill hundreds of thousands of Iraqis in order to steal their oil for Exxon Mobil "and other fine Republican corporations."

"If they want Halloween, I'm gonna give them a Republican Halloween," Blatterbug says. "We've gotta teach these kids Republicanism and that tax cuts for George Bush's rich cronies are the real answer even as it kills off the Middle Class, not Liberalism. These kids are gonna learn to spill their blood for oil in the army, or else."

Halloween is thus the main season for Republican evangelizing through tract handouts. America's major publishers of tracts sell more tracts to fundamentalist idiots like Blatterbug at Halloween than at any other time of year.

They now offer new glow-in-the-dark tracts espousing the Republican Creed, which advocate the burning of Liberals at the stake. The Texas-based American Bush Tract Society expects to sell me than 400 million tracts this Halloween.

Southern Baptist congregations have also been highly active in spreading the Republican gospel during trick-or-treating.

At stake is the religious interpretation of the end of the historic harvest season.

Pre-Christians called October 31 Samhain, a time of diminishing daylight when the living could talk with the dead. October 31 became known to Christians as Allhallows Eve, or Halloween, and acquired the status as a night when pagan spirits came forth.

Yet now many realize that Satan, like today's Halloween, is a purely Judaeo-Christian invention of no relevance to pre-Christian beliefs, which practice a traditional earth-centered spirituality. What pre-Christians do in communicating with deceased ancestors has nothing to do with the Christianized and commercialized activity of trick-or-treating.

"Christian evangelism and Republicanism is now the true Satanism," gloats Blatterbug. "Look at all those pedophiles and sex predators and perverts in the senior ranks of the Republican Party and the White House. Look at their worship of wealth and the rich. Look at Israel's on-going theft of Palestinian land. Look at their constant war-mongering and murder of innocent people in Iraq and Afghanistan just to acquire oil. Baptists and Christian evangelicals and Republicans and the Pentagon are indeed the true Demons of the modern world."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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