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Funny story: Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Unlike other astrologers, who rely on the mundane, the analog, and the antiquated to arrive at their “predictions,” Catmando boldly goes where no members of the cosmological fraternity dare to venture, predicting the future almost before it happens a...

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Funny story: Presenting The Ganjascope℠, Your Horoscope on Pot

Presenting The Ganjascope℠, Your Horoscope on Pot

You hold in your hands (you're not still using a desk top, are you?) the astrological world's first Ganjascope℠, the horoscope that takes the logical out of astrological, that boldly goes where no other horoscope dares to tread (yes, the Ganjascope℠...

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Funny story: Spoof Stars For The Week Ahead

Spoof Stars For The Week Ahead

ARIES: Your ruler Mars is behind those rash decisions about last year’s part-finished contraceptive gel, a good time to flush out bad vibes with a visit to the nearest douche bar for a well earned intimate steam clean. TAURUS: Climate change conti...

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Funny story: New Study Casts Doubt on Science of the Stars

New Study Casts Doubt on Science of the Stars

A new study just released by the Institute of Actual Science casts doubt on the validity of the age-old practice of astrology, which seeks to divine information about human character and affairs from the movements and relative positions of celestial...

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Funny story: The Astrology Channel pulls out of State of the Union coverage

The Astrology Channel pulls out of State of the Union coverage

Washington DC - Citing an off-color Mars/Neptune conjunction in Pisces followed by a psychotic Aquarius New Moon the acclaimed Astrology Channel has suddenly turned chicken. And cancelled Tuesday's live stream Presidential rant. It's the first...

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Funny story: Venus adds a touch of euthanasia to Thursday's somber solar eclipse

Venus adds a touch of euthanasia to Thursday's somber solar eclipse

The Cosmos - A trainwreck astrological alignment straddles the Cosmos this Thursday when the Sun, Moon and Venus all pile into Scorpio triggering a solar eclipse in the Zodiac's Sign of Death. Skywatchers liken the aspect to a morphine/cocaine hig...

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Funny story: Ebola testing at Hamptons Film Festival ahead of Wednesday's eclipsed blood moon

Ebola testing at Hamptons Film Festival ahead of Wednesday's eclipsed blood moon

Long Island - Astrologers advising the 22nd Hamptons International Film Festival are recommending the installation of a giant anti-Ebola sheep dip at Montauk Airport ahead of Wednesday's lunar eclipse. The blood-red supermoon will be conjunct Ura...

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Funny story: Jennifer Lawrence Blames Latest Accident on Astronomers!

Jennifer Lawrence Blames Latest Accident on Astronomers!

Jennifer Lawrence, one of the most beautiful women today, has had three falls lately, none of them serious, but she blames it all on "Those stupid scientists and astronomers." "I've had a great career and I'm just getting started when I began trip...

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Funny story: Vulnerable astrology sufferer with phobia of Phobos found RIP face down with candy stuck down throat

Vulnerable astrology sufferer with phobia of Phobos found RIP face down with candy stuck down throat

Joshua Tree, California - A naked self-styled astrology freak with an irrational fear of the Martian moon Phobos was found dead at home this morning, an imported chocolate Mars candy bar obstructing the air passage in his throat. He was 69. Or...

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Funny story: Scandalous stars for Sunday's Oscars Night

Scandalous stars for Sunday's Oscars Night

Los Angeles - Giant black holes 'as large as the Big Dipper' have appeared in two of Hollywood's most famous senior luminaries' birth charts as they ready to receive Lifetime Achievement Awards from the Oscars Committee. Woody Allen and Roman Pola...

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Funny story: Long To Rain Over Us is last leg of Queen's Diamond Jubilee hex, astrologers explain

Long To Rain Over Us is last leg of Queen's Diamond Jubilee hex, astrologers explain

The Cosmos - Filthy conditions in Aquarius, sign of the water bearer, are likely to climax on Valentine's Day when the Leo Fool Moon brings a deluge of karma on Elizabeth Windsor's preposterous 62-year reign. That's the upshot of an astrology conf...

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Funny story: New Year's Day New Moon/Pluto Conjunction Bound To Nix Bill De Blasio Swearing-In Ceremony

New Year's Day New Moon/Pluto Conjunction Bound To Nix Bill De Blasio Swearing-In Ceremony

New York - Momentous world events are likely to eclipse NYC mayor-elect Bill De Blasio's crowning moment as the farces of astrology unleash their most potent aspect this New Year's Day with a triple-whammy Sun/Moon/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn.

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Funny story: Thanksgiving Comet or Royal Death Star? The portents look ominous

Thanksgiving Comet or Royal Death Star? The portents look ominous

London, UK - The Astronomer Royal has issued a DeafCon Two alert about the Thanksgiving Comet as it crosses Queen Elizabeth's natal house of horrors in a sun grazing fly-past tomorrow at noon. Comet Ison's imminent cakewalk takes place exactly 333...

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Funny story: Split Beaver Full Moon plus imminent solar flip to wreak havoc on LA porn industry astrologers warn

Split Beaver Full Moon plus imminent solar flip to wreak havoc on LA porn industry astrologers warn

Los Angeles, California - Sunday's 25'25" degrees Taurus fool moon first earned its Split Beaver moniker during the 1998 Clinton impeachment trial when astrologers upgraded the November aspect from its plain Beaver Full Moon status on account of moon...

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Funny story: US super majors shun Brazilian auction

US super majors shun Brazilian auction

Sao Paulo - A $7 billion [15 billion real] upfront 'signature bonus' demanded by Sao Paulo auctioneers has been slammed by US energy companies as a crude scam amid rumors of a Hugo Chavez-style nationalization of Brazilian oil and gas next year. B...

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Funny story: 'Loaded gun' cloud formation will intensify above US Capitol according to Wiccan lunar stuff

'Loaded gun' cloud formation will intensify above US Capitol according to Wiccan lunar stuff

Washington - A Wiccan delegation has tried tipping-off both President Obama and House of Representatives Speaker Boehner about the cosmic build-up to Friday's eclipsed fool moon. Citing a blob of ugly karmic high pressure over the US Capitol the c...

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Funny story: Sufis warn of awesome astrological aspect for start of Eid

Sufis warn of awesome astrological aspect for start of Eid

Arabian Gulf - Ascended masters of Islam's supernatural branch have described Wednesday night's powerful 'T-Square' in the cardinal signs of Capricorn, Aries and Cancer as a karmic trigger of ancient seismic fault-lines going all the way back to the...

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