CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Crawford, TX - Bin Laden, staying at the president's Crawford Ranch, is using his most destructive terrorist tactic yet! He's NOT attacking America. This is causing the biggest collapse in the Bush administration since word got out that George Bush had his brother stuff the ballots in Florida.
George Bush called Bin Laden at the Crawford Ranch, and had this discussion with him,
"Osama, me compadre. Whut gives? How come you ain't attakin' like we agreed."
"Well, Georgie boy. You have treated me so nice out here on the Crawford Ranch that I don't hate America anymore."
"But Osamarolla, we had a agreemunt. You wuz gonna attack again an' raise my poll ratings. I need yur help now reeel bad."
"Forget about it Georgie. I love America too much. I can watch your administration crumble now just by doing nothing. I TOLD you it wasn't nice to frame me like that. You told the American people that me wishing them love, hope, and peace said, 'Death to America.' That wasn't very nice. You know that Americans can't understand my language."
"Heh, heh, Osama... it wuz just a joke. Don't get all mad at me an' stuff. Couldn't you just attack a small target like thuh Statue of Liberty or sumpthin'? I wuz gonna git rid of that anyhow."
"No deal, Georgie. I'm gonna move back home. You can have your beloved Crawford Ranch."
Osama then hung up the phone on George Bush and took his Learjet back to Afghanistan.