Flaccidia, that not-very-impressive country located east of Portugal but west of China, is considering a name change to rectify its unfortunate reputation as the baby carrot of nations.
Prime Minister Justus MacPolo explained, "We're actually a big country compared to some others! Like Liechtenstein and Malta! Those guys are abnormally small! Flaccidia is actually pretty close to average! Close enough. Just about. Almost. Depends on the angle, know what I mean?"
And it seems that Flaccidia is so underwhelming to map-makers that it's frequently omitted from world maps since it's so hard to find, no matter how much someone tries. It barely registers as a small bump on 3-D maps. If it continues, the Flaccidian government will consider renaming their self-conscious country, if other, better-endowed countries don't treat it as an equal.
"Google Earth was supposed to drop by and make detailed street-level images of the entire country, but the offer came out of nowhere, we weren't in the mood, and they couldn't get anything going, no matter how much we tried! Now there's just a lousy, skooshy blob where Flaccidia should be displayed in all its almost-average-glory! Visitors will get the wrong impression of us! We're as big as Palau! Well...almost. Maybe. It's been a while since we measured our land mass! Okay, we're shaped like a soggy egg roll, but that's no excuse!"
Prime Minister MacPolo made one more valiant effort, even as his breathing became labored and he struggled to finish his rather small press conference. Female reporters gathered at the press conference were polite and insisted the size of the conference wasn't important to them, but more than a couple of them giggled as they compared it to other, larger, more satisfying press meetings they'd enjoyed.
"I'd like to think Flaccidia has quality over quantity! Our professional book readers are some of the greatest athletes in the world! We like to read. We prefer to do it over just about anything else. And we have some very nice types of food that I want the world to come by and try! Things like our fresh soy lettuce, forty-seven kinds of soft cheese, our boiled bread sticks, and our best-selling vegetarian meal, soft and droopy noodles!"
