CHICAGO - (Sports Satire) - Some of the most fickle and unforgiving fans in the NFL are the fans of the Chicago Bears.
The season ticket holders recently voted, by a vote of 12,942 to 803 to change the name of the lowly (3-14) Bears.
One long-time fan, Bernice Pearlbutton, 91, says she wants the team to drop the name the Bears and replace it with the name the Burrs. She also expressed that she would like the Bears organization to provide the elderly, those over 83, with free blankets, free hot coffee, free hot chocolate, and free Vicks.
Miss Pearlbutton, who is still technically a virgin, admitted that she hates to sit out in the freezing fucking cold only to watch her once proud team get their collective asses kicked Sunday after Sunday.
She noted that the game time temps average 6 degrees, with a wind chill factor of minus 9, so the name Burrs would be a lot more appropriate than the name Bears.
Another much older Bears fan, Meryl Harpo, who is 101, and in a wheelchair still attends all of the games even though as she says, sitting in minus 9 weather causes her labia majora to become like a second labia minora in the pussy size sense.
