The Chinese Litmus Test

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 12 February 2023

image for The Chinese Litmus Test
Got Litmus?

China’s been talking, but America ain’t listening. China wants to own Taiwan like a bitch, but America keeps saying, “What? What? Can’t hear you from way over here in the West.”

So China sends balloons … and it wasn’t even America’s birthday! It’s the thought that counts.

And then some UFOs (which doesn’t necessarily mean aliens … just unidentified … could be a piece of Elon’s satellite falling down, who knows?) decided to fly across the Canadian territory known as the Yukon, (where there was once gold – beautiful delicious gold – but not really ‘cuz no one got rich except the shovel salesmen) and there was more UFO activity over America, and then the middle of Lake Michigan got shut down by the Dept of Defense …

First: why in the F—would any aliens fly by now when it’s terribly convenient for them to do so, given world politics right now? All the humans are fighting, so it’s time for the aliens to show up and do … what, exactly? Fly? Oooo, that’ll show those humans.

Second: if it was an alien, how in the F—could a human-made jet fighter shoot it down? Hasn’t all the literature about aliens in the past been like … OMG it’s moving so fast, it’s zigzagging, we can’t follow it, its fucking with our instruments – there it is – now it’s gone – it’s playing with us like we’re toys …

There are a lot of American military bases around the world (most likely you have at least one in your country. This is how America “police da world” by watching everyone all the time. Yes, they did it first, and still haven’t gone away – they’re still in Okinawa, left over from WW2, for F—‘s sake, and the Brits leased that tiny little island in the Indian Ocean for the Yanks, sounds like a Mexican bandito, Diego Garcia.)

So here’s the litmus test: (where once it was: Was it Russia? Now it’s) Is it China?

Is there a balloon, a UFO, a dinosaur walking around like he owns the place? Ask yourself a REAL question (not: is it aliens?): is it China?

Did Trump try to take over America? Wrong question. Litmus: Was China involved somehow? (It WAS Russia, that was proven, but now the Ruskies have to keep a low profile since they’re crime got found out, so now it’s China’s turn to play ignorant)

Did you stub your toe on the coffee table? Wrong question: did China make you stub your toe on the coffee table?

Did someone go magically missing? Did China make them vanish?

Is there a new variant, a new “vaccine”, a new pox? Is China hard at working making the next pandemic?

Will people ever believe anything their elected leaders EVER tell them, promise them, guarantee their safety over? Did the Chinese tell your leaders what to say and do and think? After all, China has more money and, thus, influence, across the world, and American still only has dots on the world map, called military pox.

Coming soon … from China.

PS: I could be very wrong. One could simply replace "China" with "America", and get similar, or possibly more horrific, results

PPS: A twist ending!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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