Chinese Theories on American History

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Friday, 10 February 2023

image for Chinese Theories on American History
There Are Chinese Versions of All of This

A Chinese spokeswoman (who looked terrified as she said this, as though a hidden gun were pointed to her head if she didn’t read off the script) said that the balloon was just for weather. And China doesn’t like being called a liar, even when it clearly is, especially with all that spying technology hanging from it.

Feeling shamed for being a stinking lying liar country, China needed to attack back.

The spokeslady said that the 911 hijackers weren’t terrorists at all. They were amateur flight students who went off course – a bit, somebody did something, who cares, did you care about Syria – if planes hit the Petronas Towers in Malaysia, would every plane be grounded around the world, or does only America get that privilege – since the pilots only had a few lessons in Jeb Bush’s Florida, where they were taught how to fly planes (poorly). Jeb tried to give them instructions, but he don’t know how to fly either. And his brother George … well, he’s named George, whaddaya expect?

The planes went off track and they tried to land, and the “pilots” forgot to speak in English to the control tower, so it just sounded like highspeed Arabic – in a panic, which it was.

A new theory from China on America history … don’t we all have theories of every world event, some unpopular, some very popular, some merely sound bites?

And that’s why, I think, the Chinese are tunneling under America right now (and other countries) so if this new conspiracy gets legs, I want some credit, unless it’s bad credit, then I’ll deny all of it.

Can I predict like the Simpson? Who doesn’t love that show? China doesn’t, that’s who!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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