Pope Francis arrived in Juba, South Sudan on Friday.
A Catholic VIP who shall not be named has said,
“Yes, the Holy Father Pontificated … sorry, too many titles, I get them mixed up sometimes … can I have a bit more of that communion wine … mmm, where’s this from? Tuscany … ah, yes, a wonderful region – oh shit, right.
“Yes, the Pontificationary said he likes to go to countries that still have a lot of Catholics and which are poor and starving and possibly have a nice war going on.
“When people are poor and miserable and realize that life is cheap – that’s when the Pope steps in to make sure they don’t throw out their god with their king. Usually the king gets drawn and quartered when people are hungry and dying, but it takes a lot for them to blame their god for their misery.
“The Pope needs to nip any skeptics in the bud before they start preaching about atheism, saying why believe in a god who keeps us living in hell …
“ … or worse than atheism – Islam! These Sudanese are already halfway there, so if the Pope loses Catholics to Islam … well, it’s like a football game, isn’t it? There can only be ONE winner.”
While in the Sudan, his associates from Vatican City will be handing out Pope lunchboxes, bumper stickers, key chains, t-shirts, and other fun paraphernalia … but he won’t be reaching a claw into his gold coffers and handing out things like food, medicine, peace, love and decency.
The VIP said, “Those are not his to give.”
