CHICAGO - (Satire News) - The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just released a list of text messages about the late, beloved Queen Elizabeth.
TEXT #1 - No one but King Charles III, knows that Queen Elizabeth loved drinking two shots of Vodka on the Rocks right at bedtime.
TEXT #2 - The queen's private nickname for Kate Middleton was "Sour Puss."
TEXT #3 - Up until she was 69, QE had inverted nipples.
TEXT #4 - During the 60s Queen Elizabeth had a super crush on Sean Connery (aka James Bond).
TEXT #5 - Back in 1946, Elizabeth was the official pin-up girl for the Manchester United Red Devils.