Vladimer Pootin was found yesterday sitting on the floor of his office in the Kremlin playing with his toy plastic soldiers. "This isk wrong what they say about my military operations, is isk still perrfect!", he babbled over and over as he dismembered blue plastic soldiers, presumably the Ukrainian representatives in his toy war game. I cannot be defeated, I will thrash that Zelensky!" with this he grabbed a Pillsbury dough boy doll and stabbed it frantically with an ink pen.
"Sir," said a man timidly looking in a door to see what was going on, "Sir it is time for your bath and special clothing change."
Pootin looked up sadly and cried, "But I don't want to change diapers its so humiliating. None of the other hockey players have to change their diapers, its not fair!""
"But sir," said the man smiling, "If you change then the nice lady from BBC will interview you and let you fondle her breasts."
"Is.." he paused to blow his nose with a hanky, "is she really from the BBC?"
"I promise sir, she is as British as the day is long," said the man coming over and taking Vladimir by the hand like a little boy.
"Well....okay and can I call her Queen Mother?"
"Why of course darling, you can call her anything you like, you are the Russian President after all."
Pootin is scheduled to have a play time soon with Chinese leader Xi Xinping.
