MARKIVKA, Ukraine - (Satire News) - The Ukraine National News Agency has just informed the Ukrainian people and the people of the world that Poland's 88th Warsaw Infantry Regiment has kicked the ass of Putin's pride and joy, his 69th Russian Bear Infantry Regiment.
A reporter with The UNNA who was embedded with the 88th, reported that the Polish soldiers are using state-of-the-art American-made XM5 Automatic Rifles as well as state-of-the-art XM5 Automatic bullet magazines.
The brand new new automatic military weapons glow-in-the-dark and only weigh 3.2 pounds instead of the old automatic military assault rifles that weighed 11.8 pounds.
The new rifle is also very quiet, emitting only .6 decibels compared to the old military rifle which registered 94.7 decibels.
The commander of the Polish regiment stated that the 2,000 Russian prisoners will be transported to The Queen Elizabeth Military Prison located outside of Liverpool, England.