Joe’s Walking on Israeli Sunshine

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Friday, 15 July 2022

image for Joe’s Walking on Israeli Sunshine
Fragile and Hollow ...

Joe Biden went to Israel and met Israelis and Palestinians. (I’m afraid to say any more than that.)

What Joe didn’t know when he got there was that the landscape had somewhat changed. Yes, there are lots of holy sites of three religions, but what’s with all the egg shells?

Everywhere Joe went, the egg shells were sure to follow.

He could barely take two steps, when CRACK! another shell gets busted. Move to the left, CRUNCH! How about the right – SQUISH!

And not a chicken in sight … hmm ... and no yolks or baby chicks ... hmmm ... just the fragile shells with not a damn thing inside them ... hmmmm ...

There was a sign hanging from a building describing what Apartheid was, in case anyone had forgotten to ask the South Africans (who are quite well-schooled in the definition and application of the method of segregation, oppression, and down-right evil!) – and egg shells fell from the sky!

There were t-shirts and posters talking about the Israeli killing [given the data available … what hasn’t been withheld from American journalists … the bullet is too damaged to tell, but it probably came from an Israeli weapon …] of Palestinian-American journalist, Shireen Abu Akleh.

And the egg shells rained from all directions!

Joe thought he was being pelted, and some say he was, but then a tiny old lady cleared her throat and whispered to him, “This shit happens every day, every hour, every minute. Welcome to the ‘only democracy in the Middle East’.” And then she vomited … egg shells!

People began speaking their various languages, and egg shells spewed from their mouths. Some squatted in the road and egg shells spilled from assholes. And, My God, were there a lot of assholes shitting egg shells all over the place. You couldn’t take a single step without cracking a few!

Joe knocked on a door, and the entire building collapsed since it had been constructed from egg shells. Some said even holy sites were made of egg shells, but if anyone dared say such a blasphemy, they would be ‘stoned’ with egg shells.

What’s up with this country? Joe wondered. He had an omelet for breakfast before getting on Air Force One to head to Saudi Arabia, hoping that Middle Eastern country also wasn’t heavily carpeted with egg shells.

His plane hasn’t landed yet, but chickens are getting laid in record numbers. No abortion for chickens! Joe has had to change his shoes 50 times since landing in Palestinian-Israel (oh shit, there are egg shells falling from my ceiling! Run!) so much so that he sent a Secret Service agent out to buy him more shoes since his trip is done.

Welcome to the Egg Shell East … a long way from the West.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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