MOSCOW – (World Satire) – The Kremlin Voice has just announced some news that has shocked the entire world, but in a very good way, at least as far as Ukraine is concerned.
In what political and military experts are calling one of the biggest “Mind Changes” in the history of mind-changing, Russian President Putin has just announced plans to retreat from his invasion of Ukraine.
Reports state that no one, not even several of Vlady’s closest, and most trusted girlfriends have any idea as to why the sudden change of heart.
The KV reports that Putin’s favorite girlfriend Estonia Constantina, 29, stated that she really thinks that his sudden turn-about may be directly related to his on-going erectile dysfunction matter.
Meanwhile, it is being reported that now that Russia will be abandoning Ukraine, Putin is planning an all-out assault on the pornographic-country of Denmark.
SIDENOTE: When asked why, the highly respected and well-versed Kremlin Voice issued a “Beat’s the fuck out of us!” comment.
